Muslim man dating

THE COMPANIONS OF THE PROPHET (PBUH)

2020.11.26 13:19 reverthelp THE COMPANIONS OF THE PROPHET (PBUH)

THE COMPANIONS OF THE PROPHET (PBUH): Abu Aqil (r.a.)
Abu Aqil was an individual who embraced the Messenger of Allah and sacrificed his life, property and wealth for his sake, who was eager to benefit from his blessed talk and who was praised by the Quran. He was a member of Ansar. Abu Aqil was one of the lucky people who accepted the invitation of the Prophet without hesitation and became a Muslim.
When the Messenger of Allah educated these people who served Islam as individuals who devoted themselves to the true religion, he also cleaned and enlightened their minds and hearts with the clear water of Islam, eliminating the traces of heresy and superstitions of Jahiliyya. Since Arabs were generally a nation that worshipped idols, they gave their children the names of their idols, names with the meaning of “the slave of this or that idol”.
The Prophet aimed to remove any traces of unbelief on man by changing names, which can directly affect the personality of a person. This was the wisdom behind the changing of the names of many male and female Companions after becoming Muslims. The previous name of Abu Aqil was “Abduluzza”, which meant the slave of the famous idol called “Uzza”. The light of belief shone so brightly in Abu Aqil, he became so hostile to the idols, he was so adherent as to sacrifice himself for their sake and the things that were regarded as gods other than Allah that the Prophet understood his feelings and changed his name from “Abduluzza” to “Abdurrahman” and gave him the nickname “Aduwwul-Awthan”, which meant “the enemy of the idols”. [ Tabaqat, 3: 473-4. ]
Hz. Abu Aqil, who represented his new name and nickname fully, joined all the battles against the polytheists with the Prophet. He was an indomitable mujahid against the group of idolaters in the Battle of Badr, Uhud, Khandaq and in all of the other battles.
Abu Aqil was a self-sacrificing and bold person. He was honourable, abstemious and contented. He worked with his body and soul as well as with his wealth to spread and elevate Islam and to convey it to the people who needed it. Abu Aqil was poor but he had such an intention that he could have spent all his money if he had. He received the reward of this intention from time to time.
The Prophet (PBUH) encouraged his Companions to give sadaqah for the sake of Allah in one of his talks. When such an invitation was made, the Companions knew that an important and great service for Islam would be done. After this talk, all of the Companions, primarily Abdurrahman bin Awf, who was one of the wealthiest Companions, started to bring some of their wealth one by one.
Hz. Abdurrahman bin Awf divided his wealth, which was 8000 dirhams into two; he left 4,000 dirhams of it in his house and brought 4,000 dirhams of it to the Messenger of Allah. The Prophet prayed for him as follows:
“May Allah make what you gave as sadaqah and what you left at home blessed for you.”
With the blessing of this prayer, the wealth of Abdurrahman increased so much that when he died, one-eighth of his heritage that remained to one of his wives was 160 thousand dirhams.
After him, Asim bin Adiyy brought 100 wasaqs (about 20 tons) of dates and handed them to the Messenger of Allah. The Prophet prayed for him too. The hypocrites were astonished by such a big amount of sadaqah; they found something to criticize and said, “What they do is nothing but show off.”
Abu Aqil was there too. He went home and returned with a few dates. He said, “O Messenger of Allah! I watered a palm orchard yesterday evening and I earned two sa’s (about six kilos) of dates. I left one sa’ to my family and brought one sa’ to you to spend in the way of Allah.” He offered it to the Messenger of Allah (PBUH). The Prophet told him to pour it on the heap.
Abu Aqil gave half of what he earned and what he had. That was all he could afford. By doing so, he gave the greatest sadaqah in terms of his wealth. Therefore, he was at ease. If he had a lot of dates, he was ready to give half of them. The hypocrites, who watched this humble act of Abu Aqil started to laugh at him. They spoke sarcastically: “Abu Aqil brought a sa’ of dates to be mentioned together with the rich. Is Allah in need of the dates Abu Aqil brought? ”( Usdul-Ghaba, 5: 257; Sirah, 4: 196; Ibn Kathir, 2: 375 )
Abu Aqil was saddened by these words of the hypocrites but he could not answer. While he was sad like that, Hz. Jibril revealed the following verse:
“Those who slander such of the Believers as give themselves freely to (deeds of) charity as well as such as can find nothing to give except the fruits of their labour and throw ridicule on them,― Allah will throw back their ridicule on them: and they shall have a grievous penalty.” [ at-Tawba, 79. ]
Thus, Allah Almighty defended Abu Aqil and the other Companions while embarrassing and disgracing the hypocrites.
Musaylima was the most prominent fake prophet that emerged after the death of the Prophet. Hz. Abu Bakar wanted to punish these impertinent reckless people without spending any time. He sent a great force against Musaylima, who lived in Yamama, located in the eastern part of Arabia. There were many companions who participated in the Battle of Yamama. Abu Aqil was also in this army of mujahids.
Abu Aqil was impatient to punish those raving people who were the enemies of Allah. Having a very agile and brave personality, Hz. Abu Aqil was, unfortunately, the first mujahid who was wounded during the offensive. An enemy arrow hit him between his shoulders. The arrow did not touch his internal organs; so it did not cause him to die. Only his left side was paralyzed. His friends removed the arrow and placed him in a tent. It was before noon.
Meanwhile, the battle was getting hot. At some point, the enemy forces raided the Islamic army and tried to scatter the Muslims. At that time, Abu Aqil was too ill to move. He could not get up. The Muslims escaped and walked through their tents. Ma'n bin Adiyy, who could not tolerate this situation, shouted at Ansar as follows:
“Fear Allah, Fear Allah! Do not leave your trenches. Return and attack the enemy!”
Hz. Ma’n rushed to attack the enemy again by shouting, “Come here, come this way!” Finally, Ansar arrived one by one and came together.
When Hz. Abu Aqil heard Ma'n’s voice, he wanted to get up in order to join them. However, it was quite clear that he could not stand up.
“O Abu Aqil! What are you doing? You cannot fight! ”
Abu Aqil said, “Do not you see that they are calling me?” They said, “He is calling Ansar, not wounded people.” Abu Aqil said, “I am a member of Ansar. I will go even if by crawling.” He pulled himself together, tied his belt around his waist and stood up. He took his sword by his right hand and joined his friends. He felt himself well. He forgot about his wound. He could not imagine that the Islamic army would be defeated. He encouraged his friends as follows:
“O Ansar! Return and do not give any chance to the enemy just like you did on the day of Hunayn and became victorious.”
Thereupon, all of the members of Ansar gathered in front of the Islamic army. They attacked the enemy bravely; they drove the enemy to the wall of their own gardens and squeezed them. The two armies clashed there; only the swords moved up and down.
Abdullah bin Umar narrates the situation of Abu Aqil after that as follows:
“At some point, I saw Abu Aqil. His wounded arm had been separated from his shoulder and fell down. Furthermore, he received 14 more lethal wounds. Finally, Musaylima, the enemy of Allah, was also shot.
After the war, I went to Abu Aqil; he was breathing his last. I said, ‘O Abu Aqil!’ He answered lispingly, 'Yes!’ He immediately asked who won the battle.
'I said,’ Good news!’ I said loudly, 'The enemy of Allah was killed! ’
"He raised his finger upon this good news. He said 'Alhamdulillah!’ and passed away.
"I told my father about what happened when we returned to Madinah. My father said, 'May Allah rest his soul! He always wanted martyrdom. Since I knew him, he had been one of the most distinguished people of the Companions of the Prophet; and he was one of the first Muslims.” [ Tabaqat, 3: 474-475. ]
May Allah be pleased with them!
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2020.11.26 03:06 knowledgeseeker999 Can someone explain the concept of "honour" within the muslim community?

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.thesun.co.uk/news/5148138/honour-beating-pakistan-gang-preston-dating-girl-family/amp/
Why is "honour" applied to women but not too men. If a muslim women dates a non-muslim man, she will be shamed by her community but if a muslim man dates a non-muslim women, its not a big deal in the muslim community. Why is this?
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2020.11.25 21:10 shortyr87 Upset at this divide

I am quite upset right now. To be honest. A little back story. I have been dating a Hindu man for 3 years and got married to him in 2019. We then had our first baby this year in 2020. A week after I had given birth, my father in law emailed my husband and said he is disowned and I am an evil muslim who has pretty much converted him into a Muslim and he should not carry his last name, nor should I. Our daughter is now 6 months almost and my husband reached out to make amends and to hopefully get a relationship going again. His father told him he’s forgiven but he will never forgive me nor my children and we are never welcome. I feel at a loss. I know this hate stems from his experiences but I am not even a practicing Muslim! I’m upset because my daughter will grow up knowing her grandfather hates this unity, and I am upset that my mother in law will probably never meet her grandchild. The in laws are in their 80s and it is so heartbreaking that his dad is letting this get in the way. I am not sure what I can do if anything. I feel like I am also a terrible person for getting this tension going. We never once got the feeling he did not approve. We didn’t elope, we got married and we dated before marriage. There was lots of time to tell us he did not agree and he choose our daughters birth to tell us this. I don’t understand why he had to taint something so precious and have something so great be ruined by this bombshell. 😭
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2020.11.25 12:14 xoxlol Dear Mom and Dad

Hey ExMuslim,
I'm moving out or rather sneaking out in a month.
I want to leave a letter behind and I'm looking for feedback/constructive criticism/experience on how things are since you dropped the letter -- from anyone who has left notes behind for their nParents.
Also for the sake of context: I am a guy.
Please be warned this shit do be sad doe.

Dear Mom and Dad,
This is exactly what you think it is, this is the letter I left behind when I moved out of your place. First i’d like to remind you that you did see this coming; I had told you on multiple occasions that I would be moving out soon. Please remember that I also specified that those were not instances of me “asking for permission” but rather giving a notice.
My reasons for moving out is pretty simple but I will list them here so you do not jump to conclusions.
You had said extremely hurtful things to me that you said you “did not mean” on multiple occasions and when I asked for an apology I was met with mocking and screaming.
You knew that that man had abused me and although I was uncomfortable with him being in our home and had vocalized it on multiple occasions you had still brought him in. You also forced me to say hi to him, pretend nothing was wrong and even attempted me to go to a wedding for his daughter, I have nothing against his daughter but think: what if you were that man and it was your daughters wedding? You were asking for me to show up to a guaranteed yelling match. You said this was because you did not want to lose ties with mom’s sister, well i’m glad you still have her because you had to choose between us and you chose her.
All of my educational career I was bullied at school and at home. Feel free to verify with the second oldest child, my younger brother. At school the other kids unfairly chose to make me the odd one out. I had no friends from grade 1 to 10, hell I never had a bestfriend until University. When I would come home during Elementary school I would be told how stupid I was on a daily basis and that I’m ruining my life being on my phone and playing video games. I was honest about being suicidal & depressed and you laughed at me.
I had originally wanted to go to university for Computer Science/Programming but you guys made it evident that if I didn’t go into business that I was “wasting my time” and nothing would come of me. I then switched majors multiple times, went to trade school for Electrical and finally graduated in Elevator Mechanics. I wasted so much time trying to find an alternative version of myself that you guys liked.
It was obvious what I wanted to do with my life, from setting up your printer, putting ink in it, to supervising the guy from bell and rogers because I understood the linguistics and concepts involved, even to things like teaching you how to send an email on your phone, check your banking online or file your government forms for you on the computer with you present. If you haven’t understood by the end of this paragraph I will bluntly tell you: It was technology. I was passionate about Technology.
On multiple occasions I would be put on trial against one of my siblings or either of you and after explaining myself and telling the truth, I would never be believed. I was always told that I lie and make things up. I’ve given up on trying to convince you I’m a good person.
I have a lot of people in my life that understand that I am a good, moral, responsible and dare I say it: smart human being.
I’m done being scared to say no because I didn’t want to get into a fight over some meaningless thing. I’m done pretending that it’s my fault that dad’s store is running understaffed and that i’m a terrible person for going on vacation for 4 days a year because I work 2 jobs. I am completely done being the scapegoat for whenever anyone in the house has a bad day.
Effective when you read this letter ( __insert date of drop off here__ ) I quit from the store.
This is my formal notice.
I am grateful for a lot of things, being taken care of by mom instead of a baby sitter. Being able to eat home cooked meals, having dad help me buy my first car, being able to call dad whenever I need advice with the mechanic and many more.
But we need to understand that raising me was required by the law, not only that but it was a moral obligation that you chose to uptake. You chose to have sex and produce a child. You understood the things you would need to sacrifice for it and you did it anyways. You cannot blame the child for the lack of foresight you had.
Now that i’ve listed some of the things i’m grateful for here are some that i’m ungrateful for: being forced to be extremely religious to the point of physical and emotional abuse. Being abuse during and after work (dad’s store). Being emotionally manipulated every single time I was in the right. Being made to feel like death was the only option on multiple occasions (highschool, University, my gap year). Being forcefully torn away from who I am (“why are you still playing video games are you a child?” “Why do you still watch cartoons are you a child?” “Why are you taking this so personally, are you a girl?” “ u/xoxlol be a man, go do _____”)
If you take anything away from this letter it’s this:
You did your best, i understand.
But your best still really messed me up.
I don’t live here anymore.
If you get to the end of this letter you will understand that I do not want to have a physical conversation with you at the moment, I need space and time. When I am ready I will reach out.
Thanks,
u/xoxlol
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2020.11.24 20:04 stony_2003 What should I do?

My girl bestfriend and I have known each other for over 9 months. She is Hindu and I am Muslim. A few days back we confessed to each other, she does not want to to date as she knows both her and I would get very close (closer than we already are) and we won't have any future together as her family is very strict and she will be forced to marry a Hindu man. I am completely disoriented and I cannot put my focus into anything as everything I do reminds me of her and the good times we spent and how even after we love each other a lot we can't be with one another. Please give me some advice as to how I should cope up with this.
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2020.11.24 15:21 DJSwaleswritesbooks PARIS: HOW I ESCAPED THE CLUTCHES OF A DARK CURSE IN THE CITY OF THE CATACOMBS

I don’t often talk about why I left Paris last year, but my mind won’t leave it alone. Memories of my neighbour, Madame Blankenfelde, jolt me with the realization that there are things out there that want to hurt us. To hunt us. By things, I should be clear . . . I mean entities of this earth, but not formed of flesh and blood. This last quality is perhaps why they covet us.
I had left Dublin for Paris as a struggling poet – following in the footsteps of James Joyce and many Irish writers and poets who had their “Paris phase”. I even journeyed to the City of Light in the same manner of those luminaries – by boat and train. No low cost airlines for me! There has to be some hardship, I thought, I mean, I’m not escaping the mass deaths of the Irish famine, nor grinding colonial oppression. Nope, I had merely been performatively dumped by my girlfriend during a slam poetry evening. Our explosive argument practically shut down the event. I was so embarrassed – another reason to leave Dublin. It didn’t help our chances that my poetry had received twice as many votes as her own.
On top of being dumped, the gourmet burger company I slaved for, near Trinity College, fired me without explanation. I later heard from Niamh, a co-worker from Donegal, that my beardless face, ginger curls, and generous Guinness waistline just weren’t “hipster enough”.
“Hipster enough?” I cried. “For fuck’s sake I’m literally a starving poet!”
***

I can still feel the relief as I finally stood outside the sadly yet gracefully decaying Residence Rimbaud mansion block on that sweltering August day, after picking my way through the dog turds that peppered the pavement. Graffiti covered the length of the building as high as hands could reach. Being August, Paris was half empty, but the air was still thick with weed. At the base of the building were large incongruous foundation stones, the sad remains of a medieval abbey that now made up the building's basement, and apparently had a secret tunnel leading into the bone-filled catacombs. Five hundred years of dog piss had stained the noble stones like an abstract painting.
Behind me, a metro train roared out of the iron lattice of the raised Barbès – Rochechouart Metro station. I squinted at the hideous carvings in the honey coloured stone – gargoyle faces and macabre twisting vines and wilting flowers. They surrounded every door and window of Residence Rimbaud.
I think I sweated three bottles of Evian just lugging my huge suitcase up the first four flights of stairs. I remember pausing and leaning into the stairwell, trying to figure out the origin of some arabesque music that echoed around me as it very often would on the streets of what is now a very Tunisian and Algerian neighbourhood. Within walking distance were the picturesque hilly cobbles of Montmartre, made famous to some by the movies Amélie and Moulin Rouge, and known to others as the haunt of Monet, Renoir, Van Gogh, and Picasso. Monetmartre was where I’d really wanted to live, but the rents were higher than the dome of Sacre Coeur, the neighbourhood’s crowning glory.
Shit! I jumped. A frail, thin little lady, hair the colour of snow, was watching me, emotionless, from the top of the stairs. I laughed at the absurdity of it, grabbed my suitcase and, out of nowhere, she was suddenly next to me. “Oh, excuse me,” I said. “I hope I’m not in your way.”
She looked into my eyes, crossed herself like a good Irish Catholic, then muttered something inscrutable as she melted down the stairs. That was weird, I thought. But I got used to it. That was my first experience of my decidedly eccentric neighbour Madame Blankenfelde.
***
A month after I moved in, I recorded Madame Blankenfelde’s routine passing phrase and posted it among my usual Instagram poetry stories. One of my followers is Latvian and she told me the words “var ļaunums palikt prom no jūsu durvīm” mean, “may you keep evil from your door”.
For my first few months in Paris I just wandered the streets by day, writing spontaneous poems and eating too many pastries. My Instagram profile and various blogs gradually attracted a meagre following of insomniacs, weirdos, and two potential stalkers. By night I pulled pints in The Foggy Dew, one of the hundred Irish pubs in Paris, but the only one that can lay claim to have been the haunt of Oscar Wilde, after he left England a broken man. It was hidden down an alleyway in the medieval district of Le Marais, next to a tiny gay bar, an old synagogue, and opposite a snooty interior design store where you had to ring the bell for entry. Bram Stoker was also said to have drunk in The Foggy Dew, after visiting the city’s skull-filled subterranean catacombs.
After work I’d lay in bed, listening to Gothic podcasts and working on my journal. I was researching the history of the Irish in France. Aside from when Irish famine refugees were ordered to stay outside the port city walls at night, the Irish had a glorious history in the country.
“There were Irish regiments in the French army,” I once explained to Patrice, one of the heaviest regular drinkers at The Foggy Dew. “They fought for France, but also to free Ireland from the British,” I explained. “It was actually an Irish General – MacMahon – that liberated Paris from the Prussians and the horrors of the Commune.”
“Ah!” said Patrice, “When the citizens turned on each other in every twisted savagery. Cannibalism! Madame Guillotine! Unspeakable acts! Not even babies were sacred. Bah! All so some fucker could write a musical called Les Miserable!
Moments later I was on my knees in front of Patrice, mopping up his vomit. It was then that I looked up and saw a small face in the window. Madame Blankenfelde!
I dashed outside, my brow lined with confusion. She was shaking. “Are you cold?” I asked, but it was a warm night. Her face looked haunted. It was fear. Terror!
“Please!” she said, urgently pressing a thick envelope into my palm, conjuring the saddest weak smile. A few seconds later and I watched her speed away in her waiting taxi.
***

When I emptied the envelope behind the bar I found her keys, two hundred Euros and a small note, all in CAPS, saying:

HELLO RYAN. I MUST GO LATVIA. GRAND PROBLEMES FAMILY.
PLEASE FEED CLEAN DRINK CAT KAKIS. MONEY. ONE WEEK
KAKIS GOOD CAT.
PLEASE PRAY ME GOD.
MERCI – KATARINA

I showed the note to Patrice.
“Pull some fish out of the river, feed them to the cat, and pocket the money!” he advised. His breath still stank of vomit and I pulled away, lost in thought but now tasting my own bile at the back of my throat.
***

Three days into cat-sitting Kakis, I saw Mustafa, the janitor of the building, a broad and towering sixty-something mustachioed Algerian. He was mopping the tiles of the reception area, where a full time attendant once sat in better days. The wood of the desk was worn and scratched. On its warped surface a few thumb-eared tourist brochures had been abandoned by departing Airbnb guests. A large chandelier, missing most of its crystals, hung precariously on a cable that stretched up the full seven storeys of the building’s stairwell.
Mustafa spoke five languages if you included his spattering of English. He paced nervously on the spot, in open-toed sandals, as he explained that Madame Blankenfelde had been a housekeeper for a wealthy family in the 16th arrondissement for thirty years. This was only the third time she had returned to Latvia, the other times being the deaths of her mother and father.
Thirty years? I thought. How can that be, her flat is less than spartan. She has virtually no belongings. I didn’t mention the dozen crucifixes nailed to every wall and bibles laid around the edge of the floors in both rooms. The only faded black and white photo in the place was pinned above her bed. The faces of two adults were scratched away. I figured they were her parents, with the girl nestled between them being Madame Blankenfelde. All three of them stood in front of a thick wooden door, from the top of which three small symbols dangled from ribbons. One looked a little like a Swastika, while another was a triangle. Others looked a little more complex, but all angular.
“She no like go home,” pot-bellied Mustafa said, shaking his head ruefully. His fingers sought the chain around his neck, hidden under the I LOVE DUBLIN t-shirt I had passed on to him after putting on too much weight. The chain was taut on his thick neck as he pulled out a golden holy Hand of Fatima, rubbing it between his fingers as he spoke. I recognised the talisman immediately– said to protect Muslims from evil. I’d seen them sold at markets near the beach in El Gouna, Egypt. “You want?” asked Mustafa, seeing my interest in the object.
“No, no, just admiring,” I said, and trudged upstairs swinging a bag of cat food tins. I stopped in mid-step and swivelled to call down one last question: “Where is her husband? Latvia?”
Mustafa shook his head and, without looking up, said: “Bad thing happen, many bad thing.” A vintage telephone blared from a side room. He stalked away to answer it.
On the sixth night, I checked on Kakis after returning from work. It was 2 a.m. As usual, the affectionate Kakis was at the door with the first scrape in the lock. It wrapped itself around my legs and then tailed close to my ankles as I stepped over the creaking floor. I smiled to see the blue silver-haired feline attentively watching the world from the window ledge, in a gap between several small bottles of Lourdes holy water. In fact I was wishing I had a few more days of me and my new buddy.
My eyes blinked in the dark. It was 4 a.m. Urggh, less than two hours of sleep, thought. I heard footsteps through the wall next to my head. Madame Blankenfelde is back? No sooner had I thought the words than the footsteps grew louder. They seemed to stop right next to me, just through the wall. I’m not sure how long it took me to drift off again, but I didn’t hear another step.
I had a pounding headache all day at work and left early. Constance stood in for me, a hazel-eyed, half-Irish girl from Bordeaux with a “thing” for poets and writers. She had legs up to her neck and one eyebrow forever raised in a state of circumspection. On my first day at work she became my unrequited crush the instant I walked through the door. Her laughter, her words of easy temper and swift forgiveness were all delivered through lips that rich people might suffer a thousand injections to mimic. Just being close to Constance’s forever sun-kissed skin and long shiny hair – like dark satin – made each shared shift a joy. But, conversely, her absence made the achingly boring hours of pulling pints and lugging barrels a grind. Either way, I needed the money.
Constance’s family had a fancy vineyard in Pomerol, but she wanted to be a wild child in Paris for a few years – and she liked Irish men. I wasn’t complaining, we’d made out drunkenly a few times after locking up. But the mind-blowing kisses always ended with her confessing I wasn’t really her type. “But I love your accent,” she’d say as if it was compensation for not getting any further with her.
As I fumbled with my key at the front door of Rimbaud Residences I heard a car door slam behind me. I turned to find Madame Blankenfelde paying her taxi driver, her luggage at her feet. What the hell?
“Bonjour Madame,” I greeted her as she stepped forward. I was ashamed that my French was still utterly useless, cursing myself for working in a bar where people either spoke English or wanted to.
“Bonjour Ryan,” she responded, allowing me to pull her small suitcase. In her weariness the words hardly escaped her lips. Not only was her hair somehow whiter, but the blood seemed gone from her face, her eyes almost lifeless. Her skin was like a walnut, with deep furrows across her forehead.
***

I would not have thought it possible but Madame Blankenfelde’s face turned even more ashen in the hallway, as Mustafa translated what I’d heard the night before. Her hands dropped to her sides, with a look of defeat.
“Deaux minutes,” said Mustafa and gently pulled her to the side, where they exchanged whispers. Feeling awkward, like I was intruding, I bade them goodbye and hauled myself upstairs. The headache roared back, threatening to split my skull. As I passed Madame Blankenfelde’s flat I saw the line of light under her door. I thought I saw a shadow . . . something bigger than Kakis. For a second I was rooted to the spot, but heard Mustafa guiding my returned neighbour up the stairs. I’m sure it’s nothing, I thought. If there’s anything odd Mustafa will take care of it.
The next day, at exactly 11.11 a.m. I was awakened by sparrows chirping on my sunny window ledge. The headache had gone and I had a text from Constance saying: I’m coming over at 11.30. I’m bringing food.
“Suddenly everything is right with the world!” I said aloud, burying myself in my duvet and wondering if I had time for a shower or just a wet wipe “whore bath” as my sister called it. Will she want to play nurse?
“The door’s open!” I shouted when I heard the knock. After buzzing Constance in I leapt back into bed after drawing the curtain to cast myself in a more flattering glow.
“You have a gift?” asked Constance, as her smile filled my pokey two room flat.
“Huh?”
“Someone left you something.” After leaving a shopping bag on the floor she twisted and plucked a small bag off the door handle. “Here”
“Oh, maybe it’s from Madame Blankenfelde, my neighbour.” I stretched my hand towards her.
“Ooh la la, an admirer? Am I interrupting a romance,” Constance said, pushing my hand aside, walking over the discarded wet wipes, and throwing herself onto the bed.
She felt so warm. I buried my nose in her long brown hair and kissed down to her neck. Her clothes peeled away. My hands, arms and legs enveloped her as she surrounded me. She smelled like mangoes and papayas. This is the Parisian dream, I thought, forgetting about the little bag.
That evening we were on the bullet train to Bordeaux. The new high speed line had just opened, her parents were away in Martinique, and we’d have the farmhouse to ourselves for five days. As the train whistled through the night I finally opened the bag in the cabin’s ghostly white light.
“They are so creepy,” said Constance, holding the carved wooden geometric symbols close to her face. She had just read me the note that accompanied them:

RYAN. THANK YOU PLEASE.
ONE IN WINDOW. ONE DOOR. ONE POCKET.
VERY IMPORTANT**. FROM LATVIA.**
– KATARINA

“Ah, yes. I saw these in that old photo in Madame Blankenfelde’s flat.” I knew there was something familiar about them.
For the next twenty minutes Constance searched through webpage after webpage, reading me her findings. The symbols were from Latvian folklore, dating back to Pagan times and an ancient tribe called the Latgallians. They were and still are used to ward away evil and attract blessings.
When we pulled into Bordeaux, Juliet was waiting for us. I’d met her a few times in Paris at The Foggy Dew, learning in the process that she was nowhere near as accomplished a kisser as Constance. Juliet had been the main influence for Constance moving to Paris, then bottled out when she was supposed to join her. The matter was a sensitive subject once enough booze had been consumed.
Juliet leapt out of an old beat-up Citroën CX Familiale like a scalded cat. She flew across the ground, her stick-thin legs a blur of bright orange leggings. A huge baggy black turtle-neck sweater appeared to give her open arms wings. It was moth-eaten and looked like it had belonged to her father. “Your chauffeur awaits!” Juliet said, flinging her slight body into Constance’s arms and wrapping her legs around her.
Even with more changes of style than a chameleon, Juliet always looked striking. Her elven face greeted us that night with dark Gothic eyeliner, black lipstick and deathly white foundation. Her Elvira Queen of the Night look was framed by severe straight bangs and an angular bob – at its longest in front of ears, which were studded with a junk yard of metal.
Juliet pulled open the car door for us, bowing theatrically. I saw her long and perfectly manicured nails, painted with black varnish and couldn’t help imagining them scratching down my back.
The car had three rows of seats – one each! I lay back for several minutes then folded my arms around Constance from behind. The wheels screeched as we careened down roads flanked by endless lines of vines.
“Pomerol, directement!" demanded Constance, laughing.
“Of course my lady,” answered Juliet from the driver's seat, like an English aristocrat. Her black eyes glanced in the rear view mirror more than she looked at the road, joining Constance in constant laughter and machine-gun French. I hardly understood a word and I didn’t care. I could have spent a lifetime listening to Constance.
The first night the alarm at Constance’s family’s rambling stone manor house went off several times while we slept, scaring the shit out of us, but it was kind of fun as we searched from room to room for any interlopers – clinging to each other.
On the second night Constance was unsettled by shadow standing in the corner of the bathroom. “It didn’t disappear in the light!” she said, after racing back to my open arms in the warm bed.
“Of course your mind is going to see weird things in a five hundred year old chateau, miles from anywhere,” I said. “But you’ve got me now.” If anything the unexplained shared experience just brought us closer.
On the third night we put up the Latvian talismans in our bedroom window. We were undisturbed the rest of our trip.
***

Constance and I parted ways at Montparnasse station, exhausted, happy, blissful. With my tired eyes I glanced back at her as she climbed into her Uber. She waved from the window as it pulled away, warming my romantic heart. I’m such a love fool, I thought, as my heart panged at her absence. With that, I descended into the hot air of the Metro.
Back in Residences Rimbaud, I passed Madame Blankenfelde’s door.
I saw movement in the weak bar of light at its base. It swiftly went black, blotted out like night had fallen beyond the door. Hmm, Kakis must have laid down there, I thought, hearing scratches from the base of the door. The poor moggy misses me, I thought, aiming to knock on the door in the morning.
Unpacking my backpack I found the small bag and the wooden symbols. I read Madame Blankenfelde’s note again then did exactly as she had asked. Why was I so suddenly compliant? I don’t know. Something made me do it. A compulsion perhaps, or some primal previously untriggered instinct. I placed one talisman on the window, one on the door hook, and the last one in my pocket.
BANG! There was a huge thud against my wall.
“Shit!” I jumped out of my skin. I felt a cold surge of adrenaline. Ponderous footsteps, close to the wall, faded as they walked away. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” I whispered as I heard them quicken and return. Another huge thud! The room shook, like a car had slammed into the wall. Goosebumps bristled over my skin. Cold air pressed in around me.
“Fuck it,” I said. I quickly headed to the door and into the corridor.
“Not another bloody note?” I stooped to pick up the torn paper outside Madame Blankenfelde’s door and heard the key scrape in her lock.

WELCOME BACK RYAN.
PLEASE CAN YOU HELP ME?
IT’S THE CAT. SHE HASN'T EATEN FOR DAYS.
MAYBE SHE MISSES YOU.

What the hell? I thought. Did she read my mind? And now she knows how to use apostrophes in English?
The double lock scraped again. The handle turned. An inch gap opened, revealing a strange absence of light.
Sunset is hours away, I thought. “Hello? Bonjour? Madame Blankenfelde?” I asked, without answer.
Where is Kakis? I thought. His expectant eyes and curious face usually tested the thinnest gap between the door and frame. I sensed something was wrong.
I waited, listening. There was no sound. Even the Metro trains at Barbès – Rochechouart station and beeping cars beyond her window were silenced. Then I heard the voice. Shivers of ice still trowel up and down my spine at its recollection.
“Ryyy –annn,” it said, in a thin, lingering hoarse voice. Like that of old woman sore and stricken with tonsillitis, who has to choke up each word. “Ryan, please come in . . . we’ve been waiting for you.”
“Sorry to hear that,” I said, my voice cracking. “Are you ok in there? Should I get Mustafa?”
“No!” ordered the voice, suddenly sharper.
The air around me was so frigid I saw the cloud of my own breath.
The door creaked open on its hinges. I didn’t dare step closer. Instead, I inched backwards, turning my feet towards the stairwell.
“Ryan?” asked the now impatient voice,deeper in tone, and exuding a latent threat.
As I backed away, the floor creaked. No, no, it can’t be Madame Blankenfelde, I thought, the penny dropping, neither the note nor the voice. She knows damned well that her beloved cat is a boy!
I felt an intense heat on my upper thigh, moments before heavy footsteps advanced from where I knew her bed to be. That’s where I put the old Latvian talisman! I remembered, hand on my pocket, as I fled for the stairs.
My short fat legs hardly touched the floorboards.
Halfway down the marble staircase I almost collapsed from the exquisite terrifying anticipation of those footsteps catching up with me in the stairwell. Instead, I heard a thunderous slam of a door.
***

The police called me at Constance’s flat that night. I was not prepared for what she would relay to me from the phone.
“When Mustafa and the police broke down the door Madame Blankenfelde’s room was destroyed,” she said. “Many crucifixes and the metal and wood from her dismembered bed were sticking out from the wall closest to your room – all thrown with inhuman strength.”
The worst was yet to come. Constance was weeping as she translated each line. “Oh my god. They looked inside a small high cupboard . . . they needed a small step ladder. Buried behind clothes and books . . . they found her body!”
“Madam Blankenfelde’s body?” I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
“Brace yourself for what I am about to tell you,” said Constance, her face grey. “Poor Madame Blankenfelde was crushed . . . into a small suitcase.”
“No! How?” I asked, spluttering. My heart was broken. “Impossible. I helped her carry that suitcase into the building. No one could fit inside it, hardly even a child.”
Constance gasped and covered her mouth in horror as she listened, the phone pressed to her ear. “Her neck and limbs had been snapped like twigs.”
I slumped to the floor and wrapped my arms around her legs, my head in her lap. She stroked my head as she spoke.
“The police think she was murdered about four days ago. There was an old photograph in the suitcase with her, with three faces scratched away.”
“Three? No, I saw only two had been scratched.”
It was then I realised Madame Blankenfelde had lived every day knowing one day she would be found. By what I do not know.
***

The love that Constance and I shared was a light soon snuffed out by the darkness of what transpired at Residences Rimbaud. On my thigh I still bear the red angular scars of the talisman Madame Blankenfelde gave me. I wonder if the being that hunted down the members of her family was too strong for the symbols, overcoming the faith held in them. Or, long ago, had some dark act by someone in her family invoked the hunter, nullifying their power – like those foolish people who were said to invite vampires over their thresholds?
Before Constance and I broke up for the last time we travelled to Riga together, the capital of Latvia. Supposedly it was to enjoy the romantic Christmas markets. We also sourced more of those ancient carved wooden talisman symbols.
Kakis was never found . . .

x
submitted by DJSwaleswritesbooks to nosleep [link] [comments]


2020.11.24 01:00 Chetdizzy A Cantor Fitzgerald Christmas

An email string for a merry Christmas, 2020:
---------- Forwarded message ---------- From: The Marriage at KNON <[email protected]> Date: Friday, November 20, 2020 Subject: Proposal To: "[email protected]" <[email protected]> Cc: ~60 recipients
Edie-Pie,
If you and Howie can have a real conversation with Donald about this PSA, then you can also consider it the formal Investment Banking application from the new spokesmen at the Cantor Fitzgerald Relief Fund.
These two will donate all of their assets into it on Christmas Day, under the terms and conditions below.
Please also gather any media for my Folder. You and Howie will need a good Primary Dealer relationship, so Cantor Fitzgerald will act as the well deserved financial chassis here.
Just as losing mom and dad prepared us for the initial shock of 9/11, so nineteen years reveal our final instructions:
With the same force on Dec. 25, 2020, the 501(c)(3), Cantor Fitzgerald, its affiliates, and its families may participate in a brand new style of wedding. I scored front row seats. The only other invitees are those mentioned to this email string, many of whom you know.
These terms expire in 72 hours.
I love you, g
On Tuesday, November 17, 2020, Dave Chaos <[email protected]> wrote: This looks very different from the first proposal It appears you are interested in promoting a trust ? An infomercial ? What exactly is the content you'd like to air ? KNON WILL NOT air the above content under any circumstances
On Sun, Nov 8, 2020 at 6:10 PM The Marriage at KNON <[email protected]> wrote: Dave and Christian,
Sorry about the delay. Comments look good: we prefer ten weeks without commercial interruption. Expect members of the group Tiger 21 to provide the escrow details.
We’ll need a date and time for the first hour, when Arash Mohomad P******* and James Robert Denke announce this new 501(c)(3), its unique tax status, and the contents already outlined in “Episode 1”.
In a show of solidarity, we’re asking Genevieve Collins to participate in the audit. We’ll invite some bipartisan folks to join the panel she moderates, simultaneously surprising listeners.
Jack Van Wunnik on your floor is the CPA for any tax-specific questions you may have:
  1. This is a new legal entity, structured with existing frameworks commonly known as “trusts”.
  2. Consisting of one (1) trust filed within the legal framework of every country on Earth, this universal Trust (“Trust”) grows into a borderless government by the final episode of the wedding. Its population of internationally recognized, remote citizens proceed to normalize relations with existing United Nations governments.
  3. No one, including its founding team, may participate in the Trust until the final episode, when the Trust is formed. Afterward, any human being may apply to participate in the Trust.
  4. Applicants must pass one (1) stringent proficiency test, for which the Trust and its members prepare them to take. Those who participate in the series are exempt from the test.
  5. Any individual (“Participant”) accepted into the Trust will receive one (1) checkbook, one (1) debit card, and one (1) benefits package, including comprehensive healthcare and retirement coverage. Once activated, these items can be used to purchase any good or service at anytime.
  6. In order to activate the accounts listed above, Participants must access a universal web portal (“Portal”) and complete tax steps 12-15 below. Afterward, Participants may populate their personal folder (“Folder”) with images, audio, video, digital print and other media to document the principal engine of the Trust. As Intellectual property of the Trust, Media files will be timestamped chronologically as permanent, auditable records inside any Folder.
  7. Due to their storytelling nature, Folders may contain significant records of personal, business, travel, and other matters. Participants may not share these contents with anyone other than the Chairman of the Board (“Chairman”) of the Trust.
  8. Participation is life long. After the natural death of any Participant, the Trust will make the entire contents of the aforementioned Folder available for public review. This allows future Participants to explore dormant Folders to match their contents to current Folders. When a match is confirmed, the Chairman will notify one (1) Participant immediately.
  9. Participants may produce up to one (1) film and one (1) book using the publishing and editing software within each Folder. Approved works may be updated and republished periodically. The Chairman maintains sole discretion over which films and books may be shared publicly before any Participant’s natural death.
  10. Prior to being made public, Participant films and books must be approved by a face-to-face meeting with the Chairman. All Participants are required to film and upload any meeting to their Folders for review.
  11. The mission of the Trust is to empower low and middle income individuals to become Board Members (“Board Members”) of the Trust. Only those granted a Chairman meeting, pending confirmation by existing Board Members, may become Board Members themselves. All Board Members share equal voting rights within the Trust.
  12. Participants must submit tax forms to their appropriate local tax authorities (example: IRS Form W-4 for United States Income Tax), claiming exempt status for the period beginning July 20, 2020. Participants must notify all appropriate local, state and federal tax authorities of their exemption.
  13. Participants must also withdraw from social security, pension, healthcare, and dental plan accounts, usually funded through employer payroll. Business-owner Participants must do similarly with proprietor accounts, equivalent to those listed above.
  14. Participants may utilize any and all Trust assets at the Chairman’s sole discretion. Likewise, Participants must assign all private assets (if any) to the Trust. These assets may include banking, brokerage, business and otherwise financial accounts, deeds, titles, interests, certificates, financial instruments, rights intellectual property, and hard assets. Though they work in various professions,
  15. Participants must maintain an annual income of zero ($0.00) to sustain the chassis of the Trust. Additionally, all income must be directed to the Trust in order for each Participant to maintain no-income tax status. Income may include wages, business interest, investment interest, and other passive sources. Inquiries made by local tax authorities, or any other authority, must be directed to one of the remote offices of the Board of Directors (“Board of Directors”); its offices will open in New York City, Beirut, New Orleans, Los Angeles, Seattle, Riyadh, Tel Aviv, Shiraz, Toronto, Split, Prague, Lisbon, Kyoto, Chiang Mai, Kuala Lumpur, Buenos Aires, Cordoba, Lima, Medellin, Bogota, Mexico City, Houston, and Dallas, Texas.
  16. Two cofounders witnessed the creation of the Trust over two (2), consecutive 19 year periods. These are its only initial Board Members, announcing the public formation of the Trust. These initial Board Members are subject to full background investigations, including their private records, business interests, past relationships, careers, and transgressions, to which they admit sporadically throughout the series. Designed to help Participants inventory their own, transgressions are required uploads before additional files can be added to any new Folder.
  17. Both founders accept independent radio station KNON to broadcast ten (10) hours of the details of the Trust, its tax implications, its creation and subsequent storyline. During their broadcast, the cofounders will treat listeners and any questions with compassion and respect. The same will be requested of listeners. Panel questioning will be conducted in a timely, fair manner throughout the series, in order to encourage the fewest, unanswered questions at its conclusion.
  18. In the final episode of the series, each cofounder will execute the formation paperwork of the Trust, which has projected, worldwide Board Membership of only 55,555 individuals in its first year. The cofounders explain this ratio to listeners. Due to the vastly larger applicant pool size, the question Panel may only include those attached to this email or those called with direct involvement in the creation of the Trust’s first Folder. These may include some surprising individuals, including but not limited to: Genevieve Collins, George W. Bush, William J. Clinton, former secretary of Treasury Robert Rubin, former Chairman of the New York Stock Exchange Dick Grasso, former New Orleans Councilwoman Jackie Clarkson, Former Presidential Intern Monica Lewinsky, writers Judy Bloom and Elizabeth Sanders, Patricia Clarkson, Patrick Bateman, Paul Rudd, John Slattery, Benicio Del Toro, John Leguizamo, CEO American Airlines Doug Parker, CFO Southwest Airlines Tammy Romo, chefs Philippe Chow and Rick Moonen, Michael Mann, Gusmano Cesaretti, Wynton Marsalis, Naseer Shamma, Taj Mahal, Alan Braxe, DJ Falcon, Don Vappie, Trent Reznor, select members of Tiger 21, and among others, producer Mark Ellis, aka “Flood”.
  19. The series will be dedicated to Charles C. Bergman, the late Chairman of the Pollock-Krasner Foundation.
Working in those details, Episode 1 will follow the storyline shown in the string below. It may be best read as a disclaimer at the beginning of the series. Thank you Dave and Christian.
This will be great fun.
On Saturday, October 24, 2020, The Marriage at KNON <[email protected]> wrote: Joe?
On Saturday, October 24, 2020, Dave Chaos <[email protected]> wrote: Please let me know whom I am communicating with through this email exchange James, Arash, Mohomad or Isa I have seen all of these names on this email thread Some questions I have are in red $105,000 will be deposited in escrow for the benefit of Agape Broadcasting Foundation Inc. (“Agape”) in exchange for a live, ten hour broadcast titled, The Marriage at KNON (“Marriage”). Who is the escrow agent. The Marriage will air nightly from 9-10pm CST, during ten nights spanning from October 25, 2020 to November 3, 2020. These dates won't be possible. Do you want 10 nights in a row of a once a week broadcast ? Agape will provide current fundraising and/or profitability estimates for the existing 9-10pm time slots prior to the Marriage broadcast. Any funds raised in excess of two times (“2X”) the existing estimates for current programming during the 9-10pm time slots will be deducted from the amount payable to Agape. For example, if the current programming is estimated to raise $1,000 from 9-10pm on Oct. 25, then any amount raised above 2X $1,000, or $2,000, will be deducted from the $105,000. This incentivizes the Marriage to become more profitable than any show from 9-10pm CST, while still allowing for Agape to experience 2X upside prior to any deduction(s) from the $105,000. There will have to be guaranteed funds to start and a donate as we go arrangement moving forward. Agape is aware of the controversial nature of the Marriage. If for any reason Agape pulls the Marriage off air prior to all ten hours of broadcast, Agape forfeits right to all $105,000. This is simply to ensure the Marriage receives all ten hours of air time. Agape will need to know much more about what is the controversial nature of The Marriage and exactly what the content will be before entering into any agreement.Any programming content will have to conform to the laws of the United States and the State of Texas as well as regulations of the FCC regarding broadcasting and public radio broadcasting The Marriage will be allotted three live, in-studio sets from any artists of its choosing. One of these artists will be the rock band, Acid Tongue. The hosts may refer to themselves as The Prophet (“Prophet”) and The Lion (“Lion”), respectively. A portion of each segment may dial-out via telephone call to certain individuals. Agape will consult as to the best method and/or device to do so, in order to ensure quality audio for each phone call. A few of these calls may be international, and their costs may be added to the Marriage $105,000 payment. An in-studio wedding (“Wedding”) may take place at the conclusion of the final hour of the Marriage, as outlined below. All expenses associated with the Wedding will be paid by the Marriage. After the conclusion of the Marriage, Agape will email an itemized invoice within 48 hours to: [email protected]. $105,000, less any funds raised by the Marriage in excess of 2X projections (plus any telephone expenses) will be paid to Agape within 48 hours of invoice receipt. We will not bill on this arrangement. A non-refundable deposit will be required and the remaining funding recieved as air time is rendered. This is a highly unusual arrangement for us to be considering but we are willing to continue to review this proposal and will be able to make a decision once we have all of the details and our questions have been answered. No decision has yet been made by KNON to broadcast this. Thank You
On Fri, Oct 23, 2020 at 3:10 PM The Marriage at KNON <[email protected]> wrote: Dave and Christian,
We like the 9-10pm slot, but definitely understand if we can’t begin this Sunday, due to limited time to agree and fund the following: $105,000 will be deposited in escrow for the benefit of Agape Broadcasting Foundation Inc. (“Agape”) in exchange for a live, ten hour broadcast titled, The Marriage at KNON (“Marriage”). The Marriage will air nightly from 9-10pm CST, during ten nights spanning from October 25, 2020 to November 3, 2020. Agape will provide current fundraising and/or profitability estimates for the existing 9-10pm time slots prior to the Marriage broadcast. Any funds raised in excess of two times (“2X”) the existing estimates for current programming during the 9-10pm time slots will be deducted from the amount payable to Agape. For example, if the current programming is estimated to raise $1,000 from 9-10pm on Oct. 25, then any amount raised above 2X $1,000, or $2,000, will be deducted from the $105,000. This incentivizes the Marriage to become more profitable than any show from 9-10pm CST, while still allowing for Agape to experience 2X upside prior to any deduction(s) from the $105,000. Agape is aware of the controversial nature of the Marriage. If for any reason Agape pulls the Marriage off air prior to all ten hours of broadcast, Agape forfeits right to all $105,000. This is simply to ensure the Marriage receives all ten hours of air time. The Marriage will be allotted three live, in-studio sets from any artists of its choosing. One of these artists will be the rock band, Acid Tongue. The hosts may refer to themselves as The Prophet (“Prophet”) and The Lion (“Lion”), respectively. A portion of each segment may dial-out via telephone call to certain individuals. Agape will consult as to the best method and/or device to do so, in order to ensure quality audio for each phone call. A few of these calls may be international, and their costs may be added to the Marriage $105,000 payment. An in-studio wedding (“Wedding”) may take place at the conclusion of the final hour of the Marriage, as outlined below. All expenses associated with the Wedding will be paid by the Marriage. After the conclusion of the Marriage, Agape will email an itemized invoice within 48 hours to: [email protected]. $105,000, less any funds raised by the Marriage in excess of 2X projections (plus any telephone expenses) will be paid to Agape within 48 hours of invoice receipt. Standing by.
On Thursday, October 22, 2020, The Marriage at KNON <[email protected]> wrote: Copy that. We’ll send our term sheet tomorrow.
On Thursday, October 22, 2020, Dave Chaos <[email protected]> wrote: If you have a check for 105,000 that would certainly have an impact on an air slot wouldn't even need to guarantee anything on donald losing
On Thu, Oct 22, 2020 at 1:32 PM The Marriage at KNON <[email protected]> wrote: Thanks. If you change your mind about the podcast, let us know.
If something opens up on air, we’ll cut you a check for $105,000 for 10 hours of airtime and offer a personal guarantee that Donald Trump will lose the 2020 election.
Thanks again for your consideration.
Mohomad & Isa (214) -* [email protected]
On Thursday, October 22, 2020, Dave Chaos <[email protected]> wrote: Arash and James Thank You for submitting your programming idea to us at KNON We have no programming space at this time and will not be able to host this program on KNON
On Tue, Oct 20, 2020 at 2:11 PM The Marriage at KNON <[email protected]> wrote: The Marriage at KNON
Show Dates: Oct. 26-Nov. 3, 2020 Underwriting Target: $105,000 Hosts: Arash and James Episodes: 10
Premise: Why do bad things happen?
On October 20, 2019, an EF3 tornado tore through KNON studios, bringing the station offline. As staff scrambled to broadcast a new signal, questions stirred inside the minds of some folks:
Why? How could the station deserve this? Was it a random event? Was it an act of God? If so, how could God exist and this happen to listener supported KNON?
Enter native Texans Arash and James. Friends since age twelve and former high school debate partners, these men are no strangers to tough discourse. They offer listeners a fresh lens to examine seemingly awful events through an ultra-modern love story:
Episode List (60 minutes each)
Episode 1: “1983” Four days after KNON’s first broadcast, a baby named Natasha was born. An atheist, she inspires the story that James begins to tell, one that he claims proves the existence of God. Arash, of course, doesn’t believe him, but as a non-practicing, Muslim-born man, he agrees to listen to his Jewish friend anyway. Since Arash spent a few of his younger years in examining all religions, he confidently takes notes to debate James, who is clearly in love with Natasha. They agree James may submit any evidence to support his case, including music and concert footage he’s gathered for their friendly debate. As the episode progresses, James sketches a cast of characters and events surrounding KNON’s first broadcast, his first piece of evidence being his own drowning and subsequent resuscitation in 1983. The episode ends with a listener challenge inspired by a Wynton Marsalis concert James attended in France.
Episode 2: “One Set for World Peace” Episode 3: “September 11, 2001” Episode 4: “Inauguration Day” Episode 5: “Acid Tongue” Episode 6: “Miracles” Episode 7: “The Tornado” Episode 8: “Covid-2020” Episode 9: “The Port of Beirut” Episode 10: “The Wedding”
Additional episode descriptions provided by request.
Dave (and Christian),
Thank you for taking the time to meet with James yesterday (and last Friday). We intend to self-promote this series and believe we can raise the donation amount listed above once we get rolling. We are also happy to meet with you to discuss the show in person.
We appreciate your consideration this Oct. 20.
Happy Anniversary, Arash and James (214) -* [email protected]

Dave Chaos Station Manager KNON Dallas Tx
submitted by Chetdizzy to troubadours [link] [comments]


2020.11.23 06:28 Carl_Johnson_Grove Brocels give me some advise to cope.

I've felt lonely asf always but visiting this sub has given me a little peace at least. I've learnt to cope most of the stuff , realized the truth in other cases too. But with each cope comes a sui.
Like as a brown guy i'd admit that i'm whitewashed. Every single form of media i saw from childhood was white dominated so i naturally got some kinda attraction towards them. But seeing brown women irl made them my first preference always. But then porn happened and things started changing. I started feeling like 'it'd be awesome to be with white women'. For no reason. Idc about sex and idk why i developed such an infatuation.
First i was jealous about everyone having sex/hookups. But then i realized that sex isn't everything and emotional relationship matters more. So good riddance.
Its worse when i see ugly brown men with hot stacies (dont take it as offensive, i'm brown myself and look average, but height....).
Then after coming to the sub the cope i got was betabuxxing. I dont want to get cucked. Those guys are getting betabuxxed, why feel jealous then? Then the next sui was Beckys dating brown men. Sui was how beckys are unwanted by Chads and they are settling with others. Nah still technical betabuxxing. I dont want that.
So i had finally got rid of my white fetish and started to just dream about being with brown women. It felt great for a while as chances of getting cucked are less unless you are in the west. Sui by dudes claiming that brown women aren't worth it and it means we are too bad to not score a white woman. Dude F it. Its too easy to manipulate when you're just psychologically lost.
Then came the next sui as i saw countless ugly brown dudes marrying virgin white stacies and claiming all of them aren't the same. Like man hope like this is what makes life hell for me. Now i again have some hope about getting a virgin stacy, like there'd be at least one anywhere right? the guys who get them are lucky. Muslim men have it best. a lot of them marry virgin white stacies in Europe and convert them to Islam. They got a virgin wife and no worries about betabuxxing as its a sin in Islam to have extra marital affairs.
But i just wanna cope. What to do? Should i even keep a fantasy about settling with some virgin white stacy if i jobmaxx, gymaxxx , personalitymaxx etc? Idc about sex. I just want a genuine relationship. And chastity matters to me.
Rn i am willing to be with Brown beckys, brown stacies and virgin white stacies.
submitted by Carl_Johnson_Grove to IncelsWithoutHate [link] [comments]


2020.11.22 00:51 anticensorship10 As a non practicing Muslim man, the racism in our community around marriage/dating pushed me to look outside.

  1. Strong communities and networks always lift up their weakest link in the chain. Top universities, top ethnic and religious communities by education. During the age of Islamophobia, Muslim communities still have not crossed many lines, including race to push back, fund, organize. The only place I've seen this is Pakistanis in NJ Southern Brooklyn and Arabs in Michigan
  2. I grew up with a lot of abuse (physical) around rleigion. The qari sahib or the man who would teach us Quran would beat us, same with our father in the mosque. It pushed my older brother and I FARaway from religion. To experience post 9/11 racism with parents telling their kids to stop playing with us, to our praents treating us like this, was devestating
  3. Despite this I still want to be Muslim and keep my fast, occasionally pray when none of my abusive family is around . Dont drink or anything. Want to be a better person dont mind marrying someone wit kids, and firmly believe a community in the diaspora should only marry other Musims, man or woman, and from what I've read the majority of madhabs agree with this view. Muslim families are strong, and this is a great predictor for success in families, and f or children. It's one of the few communities in the US, where race has negative connotations, where I am accepted despite these differences when praying in a mosque.
  4. I would love if my children were Muslim too
  5. It's easier for me to find a date iwth a non-Muslim woman than it is a Muslim woman when it comes to race. I find it disturbing how so many women write 'arabs only' (most common) or specifcy caucasian(racial inferiority complex post 9/11), desi only. This would be considered pretty racist among younger people, and no, it's not a preference if you have been brainwashed from a young age into viewing one race as more aesthetically beautiful.
  6. I also find how the 'preference' is used in a way many non-Muslims would be, at the very least, quite discrete about as they acknowledge racial preferences have some large biases. Many dating apps like Bumble don't allow this.
It bring up an issue, should I seek to find a spouse in a community, which bombarded by hate, seems to be racist and balkanize itself, or someone who wouldnt judge me for my race, and is a good person, but doesn't share our traditions?
submitted by anticensorship10 to MuslimMarriage [link] [comments]


2020.11.21 06:13 garbaggee How do I stop feeling shameful?

I am a female and grew up with a narcissistic father who showed me almost no love or respect. Me and my brother also do not get along and he has also said some really hurtful things. One example is "I should've let that guy rape you" when we were in an argument and he was referencing an incident where he helped me out of a horrible situation. I do not have any other close male relatives and also no guy friends because all I've heard is "that's haram" growing up. So, I have no man in my life that respects and appreciates me. No man that calls me beautiful or is there to support me. This often equates to looking for outside attention from men. I have been dating some men, all of which have been non muslim, and this has led to haram all in the name of getting the male attention I really should be getting from men in my family. The thing is I noticed that I get only sexual attention from these men and no real meaningful attention.
I say all of this to say that I have completely strayed from the religion from my guilt of the haram I have been involved with regarding the men I dated. The only thing I do is make du'a but still feel shameful in asking for Allah's guidance when I unapologetically commit haram. My heart feel so heavy and I know I will fix it if I come back to the religion but it is so difficult to make that first move. How do I stop this feeling of shame and how do I start a relationship with Allah again?
submitted by garbaggee to MuslimLounge [link] [comments]


2020.11.21 06:06 Emotional_Ad2020 How did you accept yourself as a religious person? The hate from outsiders is rough, but the internal hate is worse. I am Christian, but I will gladly take advice from any religious person please. I absolutely hate myself and I am beyond stressed out for the future.

Yes, I am scared of the judgement when I do come out, but I can’t even fully accept that I am probably a lesbian because I have been taught how “wrong” it is. I personally feel like I must control my thoughts about women. Like I am weak for letting these thoughts enter my mind and its my fault. I can’t even come out to my family and tell them this is who I am, because I also feel every way they would feel. Like I am a “sinner and a failure“. “Choosing to disobey God”... I am 23 years old but I still feel pressure from family. My mom is aware I like women and she is is def disappointed. She sees how depressed I am and she tries not be be hard on me. She was kinda bad in the beginning, but now shes just like its a sin and what you do is between you and God and I want you to be happy. I still love you. The “support” is nice compared to how my other family would disown me. But I still feel bad lol. & I can’t imagine how my Muslim side of the family will react. I come from Christian and Muslim family that constantly talks about how gross and bad being gay is. I hate myself to no end.
I have never dated men before so idk if I like them! I might! So I can’t come out until I try men. I have already made a plan for myself that I will date women now and enjoy the experience and then try and find a guy that I like and that I want to have sex with. And if I can’t do that I’ll find a guy who doesn’t like sex. Or something. Some guys seem great and I would not mind building a life with one. I think I just cant get a boyfriend bec I am scared and just need to grow up. This used to never stress me out bec I thought I would wait until marriage. But I owe it to myself to figure it out now bec thats a lot of pressure to wait. Idk at the end of the day I want a husband! I want to be married to a man.
I know I prob sound insane, but most likely because I am. Everyday I wake up the fact I have this huge secret weighing on me is the first thing I think about. The only thing thats keeping me from falling apart is that I think It is a phase. I have been feeling this way for 9 years lmao. I know.. a long “phase” 😭
submitted by Emotional_Ad2020 to latebloomerlesbians [link] [comments]


2020.11.21 01:05 Far_Independent_1992 My husband wants a divorce after 2 months...

I am a muslim modern day woman who married the love of my life after dating for just over 2 years. We had the most amazing relationship together and never really fought until we got married recently...
My husband comes from an asian traditional family which used to concern me as I do not agree with the old traditional views and my parents are very modern as well but we do follow Islam as best as we can. My husband is aware that I am not like that as neither is he (to a point) but knew this from day 1 and was apparently one of the things he liked about me initially.
When we got married in August, we moved into a rental together (neither one of us wanted to live with the in-laws as as lot of asian families do). Due to Covid, I was not able to work and received no money from the Government as a self employed locum This was difficult for me to deal with as I have been bought up to be financially independant and never to rely on any man for money. However I used my savings to pay for my half of the rent. My husband is paid £1900 per month with his job as a Registrar Doctor. We agreed before we got married that everything finance wise would be 50/50. At the time, I was fine with this as I believe in marriage that you are a team and I really just wanted to start our lives together. Also I was hoping to get back to work soon anyway and have my income again.
However I didn't realise that I felt like I had lost my financial independence and began to feel like a housewife within the first few weeks of marriage, while my husband was able to go to work and I was not. In addition to this, he has always paid his parents (dad is 60 yrs old and mum is early 50s) monthly as it is his 'duty as a son'. He pays them £350per month (never discussed this amount with me) since we got married. We were not able to save any money since getting married. I was using my savings to pay for my half of the rent etc. His parents have not worked in years due to plain laziness from what my husband has told me. They see it as their right for their children to pay them monthly including any holidays they have etc. Naturally I resented this as I was going into my savings yet my husband could not support me during a difficult time financially where WE were struggling. My husband has yet to pay me a single penny for the wedding and never even asked about how much I was owed. I didn't; asked because I find it really hard to ask people for money - I think its a pride thing. He only paid me for the shopping etc when I nagged him after a month or so. At one point, he actually refused to pay for the cusions/decor that I invested in from cheap places like Home Bargains, because he said 'we didn't need cushions etc'. Trust me, we needed it! As a result, naturally I felt like his family were a priority financially instead of me. I had to suck up using my saving whereas his family still got access to our money because it was 'their duty'.

There are so many amazing offers on the housing market for first time buyers that we reserved one for March 2021. We didn't run this past his parents until after we reserved it, and when we told them, they wanted to know if we had discussed it with his eldest sister. We did just before we told the parents and I could tell she was not happy from the way she looked at us. The family's reaction to the house was the polar opposite to my family who were supportive. I earn more than my husband normally and I was expecting to go back to this salary next year once the house was built, therefore, we could afford the mortgage. We also need to move out of this rental by Summer 2021 and the house was such an amazing deal, that we could not let it go by. I still to this day, think its a great opportunity now that I am back at work.We did go through the offers with my parents though as they have bought a new build before and they agreed it was an amazing purchase so we did have guidance.

Anyway on top of this, within the first few weeks of marriage, my husband started putting these demands on me about how we will be inviting his aunts around to our house for dinner. Apparently it is the 'done thing' to show his Aunts where he lives and invite them around. Also he wants his family to come to ours once a month for dinner?! This had never been mentioned before marriage and I felt, because we were now married, he had trapped me into obeying his orders. It started a lot of nasty fights where he eventually gave in. We never even had a honeymoon or met any of his family, yet I was getting this pressure put on me as a new bride to entertain his family who I can barely communicate with as I cannot speak Punjabi/urdu. The pressure was overwhelming and I began to get scared that he was trying to control me. My mum wanted me about this before we got married saying that my husband is too good to be true and to beware that men change once they get married. I used to argue with her that my husband was not like that but he was like most asian men that I have heard about including my own father.

One other issue was that he told me never to speak to his sister in law who lives in America about his family. He never explained why but all I knew was, this sister in law did not get on with my husbands sisters. She moved from the UK to America 8 years ago with her husband (my husbands older brother). I built a relationship with this American sister in law anyway and confided in her about my worries and issues about our in-laws. She then told me her negative experience with her in-laws when she lived with them newly married years ago. She told me that the eldest daughter controls everything in the family and about how greedy the family are with money and demands they put on their children to provide for them. This made me anxieties even worse towards the family and I started to hate them. I don't have much of a relationship with them anyway so I don't really know them. I felt like my husband had not told me all the facts about the sister in law as a way to hide what his family were really like. I felt betrayed and that he had lied to me as he knew I would have ran a mile before we got married, if he had told me.

Anyway the final argument went ahead one night when I told him I no longer want to contribute towards the household as it is my Islamic right as a wife to not do so. I felt like I was enabling him to provide for his parents at my own expense and I was growing bad feeling towards his parents because of that. He understood but said that he told me he could not afford to provide for me. I asked him to give his parents what he can afford. But he said 'I think my parents rely on that money. If I do stop giving them it, it will mean you're controlling me. But if my parents knew this was happening, they would tell me to save my marriage'. My poor husband got stressed and I could tell he was under pressure. I asked him if he wanted me to leave and go to my parents for the first time and he made it clear he 'wanted no space from me at all.' So I stayed while he went out for a drive to calm down. He then returned after speaking on the phone to (who I later found out) to be his elder sister than our sister in law warned me about). He then told me that I should probably have space from him. He also told me we probably should not buy this new build house if we 'cannot afford it'. It was clear his sister had caused my husband to say these things. I left the house in a storm of rage.
I said hurtful things to him out of pure anger to hurt him. He was hurting me and not giving me the support I wanted and he was confirming all my fears about his family controlling him.
I said things such as 'I wish I married an Orphan. I had a better life before I got married. I wish I never married you. You are a s*** husband. I don't care about your mums colonoscopy results, I just care about this! You parents are a burden on us! I will be fake to your family!' I do everything for you and there's not one thing you do for me! The one time I need help, you can't give me it!'.

I left my rings and told him to look after them. I told him I don't know if I'll come back until he gives me the respect of being his wife and to tell his family. He was calm the entire time and txted me to make sure I got home (30 min drive) ok and told me that he truly wanted to work it out and to take all the time I needed to focus on myself.

After 2 contact for 2 days, I went back home to sort it out with my husband. He wasn't there. I phoned him and he picked up crying saying he wasn't coming back. Apparently the day after I left, he phoned his sister again and she picked him up to take him back to their mothers home. He packed majority of his stuff and went back home and told his family EVERYTHING I had said. He said he didn't want to come home and he wants a family meeting with our parents next week.

I spoke to him on the phone a few days after having wrote him 2 letters apologising for everything. I bowed my head down for my wrongdoings to save my marriage and for him to forgive me. On the phone, he told me whilst sobbing 'I can't do this marriage. I know I'll probably regret it and will go on a downward spiral. But I am not strong enough for your mental issues. You have broken me, I'm heart broken. I can concentrate at work, I need emergency leave soon. I can't forgive you for what you have said about my family. You can't justify your actions. You say you will do as I say with my family but you will just grow to hate me vice versa and the marriage won't work. Im too scared to give you another chance. You betrayed my trust my going to the sister in law, I can't trust you again.I don't recognise you anymore. Everything you have said in the past 2 months has cancelled out our 2 amazing years together. I want to look after my parents the way they deserve to be looked after, you knew what I came with and how I was with my family.'. I had my first anxiety attack while hearing him say all this. I begged and pleaded but nothing. I just want to make clear, a year before we got married, I told my husband I will not look after his parents or ever move in with them when they are older.He agreed to this calmly as I remember the first time I met his family, I freaked out by how traditional they were and I knew I couldn't fit into a family like that due to their typical expectations from a daughter in law. But I trusted my husband.

The family meeting then came where we met at our rental home. I wrote a big speech to everyone apologising sobbing my heart out for 25 mins explaining as much as I could. The family forgave me but nobody seemed to think my husband had done anything wrong. My parents were told by me, not to say anything to my husband because I genuinely felt this was all my fault because I couldn't control my month in anger. My husband looked gaunt and angry, he showed no compassion and slagged me off to my parents. The parents said 'we want him to make it work. But what can we do? he has made his decision to end it.' He then left dramatically and put his wedding ring down and told me to sort out the paper work with the divorce then left.

I have not seen him since then and that was 7 weeks ago. I have tried to be gentle and talk him round but it only seems to push him further away. He seems to think I'm some crazy monster and is making stuff up in his head about me to justify his decision. He has then removed all wedding photos from social media and has made his family unfollow me. He refuses to speak to an Imam. He has told his colleagues at work that he is leaving me and thinks their response of 'are you sure?' is validation for his decision. He genuinely believed he is making a rational wise decision yet he has not once said 'I divorce you' to start the process. He has yet to collect the rest of his items even though the house was empty one week (my dad told him).

I am still living in this rental alone waiting for him. I am now angry and have realised this is not my fault entirely as he has taken it to a whole other level. He tried to contact me a fortnight ago to discuss the rental and I told him to just 'back off until I'm ready'. I removed all marriage photos from social media in the last few days out of anger. I feel taken advantage off. He has married me and has just given up on us at the first difficult hurdle. I am investing in counselling to get me through this, I am listening to marriage counselling audibles, I really am working on myself at the moment to make me better as a person. I am not normally an angry anxious person but this marriage has driven to me this from ym husband's lack of support. I do not want to leave this house because if I do, then it means I'm walking away from the marriage. I want to forgive him and communicate and learn to compromise to make each other happy. He is making a mockery out of Islam and marriage whereas I do not want to walk away without putting my all into making it work - whether it works out or not. I am doing this for Allah and I am praying hard for my husband to see sense. I have decided not to contact him at all until I am ready but the day will come, where I will need to face him. Deep down, I hope inshallah he can change his mind and that he may be going through some sort of melt down. I have accepted I have no control over this but I'd love to know other people's opinions on this.

If you have read all of this, then wow, thank you! :)
submitted by Far_Independent_1992 to u/Far_Independent_1992 [link] [comments]


2020.11.21 01:05 Far_Independent_1992 My husband wants a divorce after 2 months...

I am a muslim modern day woman who married the love of my life after dating for just over 2 years. We had the most amazing relationship together and never really fought until we got married recently...
My husband comes from an asian traditional family which used to concern me as I do not agree with the old traditional views and my parents are very modern as well but we do follow Islam as best as we can. My husband is aware that I am not like that as neither is he (to a point) but knew this from day 1 and was apparently one of the things he liked about me initially.
When we got married in August, we moved into a rental together (neither one of us wanted to live with the in-laws as as lot of asian families do). Due to Covid, I was not able to work and received no money from the Government as a self employed locum This was difficult for me to deal with as I have been bought up to be financially independant and never to rely on any man for money. However I used my savings to pay for my half of the rent. My husband is paid £1900 per month with his job as a Registrar Doctor. We agreed before we got married that everything finance wise would be 50/50. At the time, I was fine with this as I believe in marriage that you are a team and I really just wanted to start our lives together. Also I was hoping to get back to work soon anyway and have my income again.
However I didn't realise that I felt like I had lost my financial independence and began to feel like a housewife within the first few weeks of marriage, while my husband was able to go to work and I was not. In addition to this, he has always paid his parents (dad is 60 yrs old and mum is early 50s) monthly as it is his 'duty as a son'. He pays them £350per month (never discussed this amount with me) since we got married. We were not able to save any money since getting married. I was using my savings to pay for my half of the rent etc. His parents have not worked in years due to plain laziness from what my husband has told me. They see it as their right for their children to pay them monthly including any holidays they have etc. Naturally I resented this as I was going into my savings yet my husband could not support me during a difficult time financially where WE were struggling. My husband has yet to pay me a single penny for the wedding and never even asked about how much I was owed. I didn't; asked because I find it really hard to ask people for money - I think its a pride thing. He only paid me for the shopping etc when I nagged him after a month or so. At one point, he actually refused to pay for the cusions/decor that I invested in from cheap places like Home Bargains, because he said 'we didn't need cushions etc'. Trust me, we needed it! As a result, naturally I felt like his family were a priority financially instead of me. I had to suck up using my saving whereas his family still got access to our money because it was 'their duty'.

There are so many amazing offers on the housing market for first time buyers that we reserved one for March 2021. We didn't run this past his parents until after we reserved it, and when we told them, they wanted to know if we had discussed it with his eldest sister. We did just before we told the parents and I could tell she was not happy from the way she looked at us. The family's reaction to the house was the polar opposite to my family who were supportive. I earn more than my husband normally and I was expecting to go back to this salary next year once the house was built, therefore, we could afford the mortgage. We also need to move out of this rental by Summer 2021 and the house was such an amazing deal, that we could not let it go by. I still to this day, think its a great opportunity now that I am back at work.We did go through the offers with my parents though as they have bought a new build before and they agreed it was an amazing purchase so we did have guidance.

Anyway on top of this, within the first few weeks of marriage, my husband started putting these demands on me about how we will be inviting his aunts around to our house for dinner. Apparently it is the 'done thing' to show his Aunts where he lives and invite them around. Also he wants his family to come to ours once a month for dinner?! This had never been mentioned before marriage and I felt, because we were now married, he had trapped me into obeying his orders. It started a lot of nasty fights where he eventually gave in. We never even had a honeymoon or met any of his family, yet I was getting this pressure put on me as a new bride to entertain his family who I can barely communicate with as I cannot speak Punjabi/urdu. The pressure was overwhelming and I began to get scared that he was trying to control me. My mum wanted me about this before we got married saying that my husband is too good to be true and to beware that men change once they get married. I used to argue with her that my husband was not like that but he was like most asian men that I have heard about including my own father.

One other issue was that he told me never to speak to his sister in law who lives in America about his family. He never explained why but all I knew was, this sister in law did not get on with my husbands sisters. She moved from the UK to America 8 years ago with her husband (my husbands older brother). I built a relationship with this American sister in law anyway and confided in her about my worries and issues about our in-laws. She then told me her negative experience with her in-laws when she lived with them newly married years ago. She told me that the eldest daughter controls everything in the family and about how greedy the family are with money and demands they put on their children to provide for them. This made me anxieties even worse towards the family and I started to hate them. I don't have much of a relationship with them anyway so I don't really know them. I felt like my husband had not told me all the facts about the sister in law as a way to hide what his family were really like. I felt betrayed and that he had lied to me as he knew I would have ran a mile before we got married, if he had told me.

Anyway the final argument went ahead one night when I told him I no longer want to contribute towards the household as it is my Islamic right as a wife to not do so. I felt like I was enabling him to provide for his parents at my own expense and I was growing bad feeling towards his parents because of that. He understood but said that he told me he could not afford to provide for me. I asked him to give his parents what he can afford. But he said 'I think my parents rely on that money. If I do stop giving them it, it will mean you're controlling me. But if my parents knew this was happening, they would tell me to save my marriage'. My poor husband got stressed and I could tell he was under pressure. I asked him if he wanted me to leave and go to my parents for the first time and he made it clear he 'wanted no space from me at all.' So I stayed while he went out for a drive to calm down. He then returned after speaking on the phone to (who I later found out) to be his elder sister than our sister in law warned me about). He then told me that I should probably have space from him. He also told me we probably should not buy this new build house if we 'cannot afford it'. It was clear his sister had caused my husband to say these things. I left the house in a storm of rage.
I said hurtful things to him out of pure anger to hurt him. He was hurting me and not giving me the support I wanted and he was confirming all my fears about his family controlling him.
I said things such as 'I wish I married an Orphan. I had a better life before I got married. I wish I never married you. You are a s*** husband. I don't care about your mums colonoscopy results, I just care about this! You parents are a burden on us! I will be fake to your family!' I do everything for you and there's not one thing you do for me! The one time I need help, you can't give me it!'.

I left my rings and told him to look after them. I told him I don't know if I'll come back until he gives me the respect of being his wife and to tell his family. He was calm the entire time and txted me to make sure I got home (30 min drive) ok and told me that he truly wanted to work it out and to take all the time I needed to focus on myself.

After 2 contact for 2 days, I went back home to sort it out with my husband. He wasn't there. I phoned him and he picked up crying saying he wasn't coming back. Apparently the day after I left, he phoned his sister again and she picked him up to take him back to their mothers home. He packed majority of his stuff and went back home and told his family EVERYTHING I had said. He said he didn't want to come home and he wants a family meeting with our parents next week.

I spoke to him on the phone a few days after having wrote him 2 letters apologising for everything. I bowed my head down for my wrongdoings to save my marriage and for him to forgive me. On the phone, he told me whilst sobbing 'I can't do this marriage. I know I'll probably regret it and will go on a downward spiral. But I am not strong enough for your mental issues. You have broken me, I'm heart broken. I can concentrate at work, I need emergency leave soon. I can't forgive you for what you have said about my family. You can't justify your actions. You say you will do as I say with my family but you will just grow to hate me vice versa and the marriage won't work. Im too scared to give you another chance. You betrayed my trust my going to the sister in law, I can't trust you again.I don't recognise you anymore. Everything you have said in the past 2 months has cancelled out our 2 amazing years together. I want to look after my parents the way they deserve to be looked after, you knew what I came with and how I was with my family.'. I had my first anxiety attack while hearing him say all this. I begged and pleaded but nothing. I just want to make clear, a year before we got married, I told my husband I will not look after his parents or ever move in with them when they are older.He agreed to this calmly as I remember the first time I met his family, I freaked out by how traditional they were and I knew I couldn't fit into a family like that due to their typical expectations from a daughter in law. But I trusted my husband.

The family meeting then came where we met at our rental home. I wrote a big speech to everyone apologising sobbing my heart out for 25 mins explaining as much as I could. The family forgave me but nobody seemed to think my husband had done anything wrong. My parents were told by me, not to say anything to my husband because I genuinely felt this was all my fault because I couldn't control my month in anger. My husband looked gaunt and angry, he showed no compassion and slagged me off to my parents. The parents said 'we want him to make it work. But what can we do? he has made his decision to end it.' He then left dramatically and put his wedding ring down and told me to sort out the paper work with the divorce then left.

I have not seen him since then and that was 7 weeks ago. I have tried to be gentle and talk him round but it only seems to push him further away. He seems to think I'm some crazy monster and is making stuff up in his head about me to justify his decision. He has then removed all wedding photos from social media and has made his family unfollow me. He refuses to speak to an Imam. He has told his colleagues at work that he is leaving me and thinks their response of 'are you sure?' is validation for his decision. He genuinely believed he is making a rational wise decision yet he has not once said 'I divorce you' to start the process. He has yet to collect the rest of his items even though the house was empty one week (my dad told him).

I am still living in this rental alone waiting for him. I am now angry and have realised this is not my fault entirely as he has taken it to a whole other level. He tried to contact me a fortnight ago to discuss the rental and I told him to just 'back off until I'm ready'. I removed all marriage photos from social media in the last few days out of anger. I feel taken advantage off. He has married me and has just given up on us at the first difficult hurdle. I am investing in counselling to get me through this, I am listening to marriage counselling audibles, I really am working on myself at the moment to make me better as a person. I am not normally an angry anxious person but this marriage has driven to me this from ym husband's lack of support. I do not want to leave this house because if I do, then it means I'm walking away from the marriage. I want to forgive him and communicate and learn to compromise to make each other happy. He is making a mockery out of Islam and marriage whereas I do not want to walk away without putting my all into making it work - whether it works out or not. I am doing this for Allah and I am praying hard for my husband to see sense. I have decided not to contact him at all until I am ready but the day will come, where I will need to face him. Deep down, I hope inshallah he can change his mind and that he may be going through some sort of melt down. I have accepted I have no control over this but I'd love to know other people's opinions on this.

If you have read all of this, then wow, thank you! :)
submitted by Far_Independent_1992 to u/Far_Independent_1992 [link] [comments]


2020.11.21 01:00 Far_Independent_1992 My husband wants a divorce after 2 months...

I am a muslim modern day woman who married the love of my life after dating for just over 2 years. We had the most amazing relationship together and never really fought until we got married recently...
My husband comes from an asian traditional family which used to concern me as I do not agree with the old traditional views and my parents are very modern as well but we do follow Islam as best as we can. My husband is aware that I am not like that as neither is he (to a point) but knew this from day 1 and was apparently one of the things he liked about me initially.
When we got married in August, we moved into a rental together (neither one of us wanted to live with the in-laws as as lot of asian families do). Due to Covid, I was not able to work and received no money from the Government as a self employed locum This was difficult for me to deal with as I have been bought up to be financially independant and never to rely on any man for money. However I used my savings to pay for my half of the rent. My husband is paid £1900 per month with his job as a Registrar Doctor. We agreed before we got married that everything finance wise would be 50/50. At the time, I was fine with this as I believe in marriage that you are a team and I really just wanted to start our lives together. Also I was hoping to get back to work soon anyway and have my income again.
However I didn't realise that I felt like I had lost my financial independence and began to feel like a housewife within the first few weeks of marriage, while my husband was able to go to work and I was not. In addition to this, he has always paid his parents (dad is 60 yrs old and mum is early 50s) monthly as it is his 'duty as a son'. He pays them £350per month (never discussed this amount with me) since we got married. We were not able to save any money since getting married. I was using my savings to pay for my half of the rent etc. His parents have not worked in years due to plain laziness from what my husband has told me. They see it as their right for their children to pay them monthly including any holidays they have etc. Naturally I resented this as I was going into my savings yet my husband could not support me during a difficult time financially where WE were struggling. My husband has yet to pay me a single penny for the wedding and never even asked about how much I was owed. I didn't; asked because I find it really hard to ask people for money - I think its a pride thing. He only paid me for the shopping etc when I nagged him after a month or so. At one point, he actually refused to pay for the cusions/decor that I invested in from cheap places like Home Bargains, because he said 'we didn't need cushions etc'. Trust me, we needed it! As a result, naturally I felt like his family were a priority financially instead of me. I had to suck up using my saving whereas his family still got access to our money because it was 'their duty'.

There are so many amazing offers on the housing market for first time buyers that we reserved one for March 2021. We didn't run this past his parents until after we reserved it, and when we told them, they wanted to know if we had discussed it with his eldest sister. We did just before we told the parents and I could tell she was not happy from the way she looked at us. The family's reaction to the house was the polar opposite to my family who were supportive. I earn more than my husband normally and I was expecting to go back to this salary next year once the house was built, therefore, we could afford the mortgage. We also need to move out of this rental by Summer 2021 and the house was such an amazing deal, that we could not let it go by. I still to this day, think its a great opportunity now that I am back at work.We did go through the offers with my parents though as they have bought a new build before and they agreed it was an amazing purchase so we did have guidance.

Anyway on top of this, within the first few weeks of marriage, my husband started putting these demands on me about how we will be inviting his aunts around to our house for dinner. Apparently it is the 'done thing' to show his Aunts where he lives and invite them around. Also he wants his family to come to ours once a month for dinner?! This had never been mentioned before marriage and I felt, because we were now married, he had trapped me into obeying his orders. It started a lot of nasty fights where he eventually gave in. We never even had a honeymoon or met any of his family, yet I was getting this pressure put on me as a new bride to entertain his family who I can barely communicate with as I cannot speak Punjabi/urdu. The pressure was overwhelming and I began to get scared that he was trying to control me. My mum wanted me about this before we got married saying that my husband is too good to be true and to beware that men change once they get married. I used to argue with her that my husband was not like that but he was like most asian men that I have heard about including my own father.

One other issue was that he told me never to speak to his sister in law who lives in America about his family. He never explained why but all I knew was, this sister in law did not get on with my husbands sisters. She moved from the UK to America 8 years ago with her husband (my husbands older brother). I built a relationship with this American sister in law anyway and confided in her about my worries and issues about our in-laws. She then told me her negative experience with her in-laws when she lived with them newly married years ago. She told me that the eldest daughter controls everything in the family and about how greedy the family are with money and demands they put on their children to provide for them. This made me anxieties even worse towards the family and I started to hate them. I don't have much of a relationship with them anyway so I don't really know them. I felt like my husband had not told me all the facts about the sister in law as a way to hide what his family were really like. I felt betrayed and that he had lied to me as he knew I would have ran a mile before we got married, if he had told me.

Anyway the final argument went ahead one night when I told him I no longer want to contribute towards the household as it is my Islamic right as a wife to not do so. I felt like I was enabling him to provide for his parents at my own expense and I was growing bad feeling towards his parents because of that. He understood but said that he told me he could not afford to provide for me. I asked him to give his parents what he can afford. But he said 'I think my parents rely on that money. If I do stop giving them it, it will mean you're controlling me. But if my parents knew this was happening, they would tell me to save my marriage'. My poor husband got stressed and I could tell he was under pressure. I asked him if he wanted me to leave and go to my parents for the first time and he made it clear he 'wanted no space from me at all.' So I stayed while he went out for a drive to calm down. He then returned after speaking on the phone to (who I later found out) to be his elder sister than our sister in law warned me about). He then told me that I should probably have space from him. He also told me we probably should not buy this new build house if we 'cannot afford it'. It was clear his sister had caused my husband to say these things. I left the house in a storm of rage.
I said hurtful things to him out of pure anger to hurt him. He was hurting me and not giving me the support I wanted and he was confirming all my fears about his family controlling him.
I said things such as 'I wish I married an Orphan. I had a better life before I got married. I wish I never married you. You are a s*** husband. I don't care about your mums colonoscopy results, I just care about this! You parents are a burden on us! I will be fake to your family!' I do everything for you and there's not one thing you do for me! The one time I need help, you can't give me it!'.

I left my rings and told him to look after them. I told him I don't know if I'll come back until he gives me the respect of being his wife and to tell his family. He was calm the entire time and txted me to make sure I got home (30 min drive) ok and told me that he truly wanted to work it out and to take all the time I needed to focus on myself.

After 2 contact for 2 days, I went back home to sort it out with my husband. He wasn't there. I phoned him and he picked up crying saying he wasn't coming back. Apparently the day after I left, he phoned his sister again and she picked him up to take him back to their mothers home. He packed majority of his stuff and went back home and told his family EVERYTHING I had said. He said he didn't want to come home and he wants a family meeting with our parents next week.

I spoke to him on the phone a few days after having wrote him 2 letters apologising for everything. I bowed my head down for my wrongdoings to save my marriage and for him to forgive me. On the phone, he told me whilst sobbing 'I can't do this marriage. I know I'll probably regret it and will go on a downward spiral. But I am not strong enough for your mental issues. You have broken me, I'm heart broken. I can concentrate at work, I need emergency leave soon. I can't forgive you for what you have said about my family. You can't justify your actions. You say you will do as I say with my family but you will just grow to hate me vice versa and the marriage won't work. Im too scared to give you another chance. You betrayed my trust my going to the sister in law, I can't trust you again. I don't believe we can make it work. Everything you have said in the past 2 months has cancelled out our 2 amazing years together'. I had my first anxiety attack while hearing him say all this. I begged and pleaded but nothing.

The family meeting then came where we met at our rental home. I wrote a big speech to everyone apologising sobbing my heart out for 25 mins explaining as much as I could. The family forgave me but nobody seemed to think my husband had done anything wrong. My parents were told by me, not to say anything to my husband because I genuinely felt this was all my fault because I couldn't control my month in anger. My husband looked gaunt and angry, he showed no compassion and slagged me off to my parents. The parents said 'we want him to make it work. But what can we do? he has made his decision to end it.' He then left dramatically and put his wedding ring down and told me to sort out the paper work with the divorce then left.

I have not seen him since then and that was 7 weeks ago. I have tried to be gentle and talk him round but it only seems to push him further away. He seems to think I'm some crazy monster and is making stuff up in his head about me to justify his decision. He has then removed all wedding photos from social media and has made his family unfollow me. He refuses to speak to an Imam. He has told his colleagues at work that he is leaving me and thinks their response of 'are you sure?' is validation for his decision. He genuinely believed he is making a rational wise decision yet he has not once said 'I divorce you' to start the process. He has yet to collect the rest of his items even though the house was empty one week (my dad told him).

I am still living in this rental alone waiting for him. I am now angry and have realised this is not my fault entirely as he has taken it to a whole other level. He tried to contact me a fortnight ago to discuss the rental and I told him to just 'back off until I'm ready'. I removed all marriage photos from social media in the last few days out of anger. I feel taken advantage off. He has married me and has just given up on us at the first difficult hurdle. I am investing in counselling to get me through this, I am listening to marriage counselling audibles, I really am working on myself at the moment to make me better as a person. I am not normally an angry anxious person but this marriage has driven to me this from ym husband's lack of support. I do not want to leave this house because if I do, then it means I'm walking away from the marriage. I want to forgive him and communicate and learn to compromise to make each other happy. He is making a mockery out of Islam and marriage whereas I do not want to walk away without putting my all into making it work - whether it works out or not. I am doing this for Allah and I am praying hard for my husband to see sense. I have decided not to contact him at all until I am ready but the day will come, where I will need to face him. Deep down, I hope inshallah he can change his mind and that he may be going through some sort of melt down. I have accepted I have no control over this but I'd love to know other people's opinions on this.

If you have read all of this, then wow, thank you! :)
submitted by Far_Independent_1992 to u/Far_Independent_1992 [link] [comments]


2020.11.21 00:59 Far_Independent_1992 My husband wants a divorce after 2 months...

I am a muslim modern day woman who married the love of my life after dating for just over 2 years. We had the most amazing relationship together and never really fought until we got married recently...
My husband comes from an asian traditional family which used to concern me as I do not agree with the old traditional views and my parents are very modern as well but we do follow Islam as best as we can. My husband is aware that I am not like that as neither is he (to a point) but knew this from day 1 and was apparently one of the things he liked about me initially.
When we got married in August, we moved into a rental together (neither one of us wanted to live with the in-laws as as lot of asian families do). Due to Covid, I was not able to work and received no money from the Government as a self employed locum This was difficult for me to deal with as I have been bought up to be financially independant and never to rely on any man for money. However I used my savings to pay for my half of the rent. My husband is paid £1900 per month with his job as a Registrar Doctor. We agreed before we got married that everything finance wise would be 50/50. At the time, I was fine with this as I believe in marriage that you are a team and I really just wanted to start our lives together. Also I was hoping to get back to work soon anyway and have my income again.
However I didn't realise that I felt like I had lost my financial independence and began to feel like a housewife within the first few weeks of marriage, while my husband was able to go to work and I was not. In addition to this, he has always paid his parents (dad is 60 yrs old and mum is early 50s) monthly as it is his 'duty as a son'. He pays them £350per month (never discussed this amount with me) since we got married. We were not able to save any money since getting married. I was using my savings to pay for my half of the rent etc. His parents have not worked in years due to plain laziness from what my husband has told me. They see it as their right for their children to pay them monthly including any holidays they have etc. Naturally I resented this as I was going into my savings yet my husband could not support me during a difficult time financially where WE were struggling. My husband has yet to pay me a single penny for the wedding and never even asked about how much I was owed. I didn't; asked because I find it really hard to ask people for money - I think its a pride thing. He only paid me for the shopping etc when I nagged him after a month or so. At one point, he actually refused to pay for the cusions/decor that I invested in from cheap places like Home Bargains, because he said 'we didn't need cushions etc'. Trust me, we needed it! As a result, naturally I felt like his family were a priority financially instead of me. I had to suck up using my saving whereas his family still got access to our money because it was 'their duty'.

There are so many amazing offers on the housing market for first time buyers that we reserved one for March 2021. We didn't run this past his parents until after we reserved it, and when we told them, they wanted to know if we had discussed it with his eldest sister. We did just before we told the parents and I could tell she was not happy from the way she looked at us. The family's reaction to the house was the polar opposite to my family who were supportive. I earn more than my husband normally and I was expecting to go back to this salary next year once the house was built, therefore, we could afford the mortgage. We also need to move out of this rental by Summer 2021 and the house was such an amazing deal, that we could not let it go by. I still to this day, think its a great opportunity now that I am back at work.We did go through the offers with my parents though as they have bought a new build before and they agreed it was an amazing purchase so we did have guidance.

Anyway on top of this, within the first few weeks of marriage, my husband started putting these demands on me about how we will be inviting his aunts around to our house for dinner. Apparently it is the 'done thing' to show his Aunts where he lives and invite them around. Also he wants his family to come to ours once a month for dinner?! This had never been mentioned before marriage and I felt, because we were now married, he had trapped me into obeying his orders. It started a lot of nasty fights where he eventually gave in. We never even had a honeymoon or met any of his family, yet I was getting this pressure put on me as a new bride to entertain his family who I can barely communicate with as I cannot speak Punjabi/urdu. The pressure was overwhelming and I began to get scared that he was trying to control me. My mum wanted me about this before we got married saying that my husband is too good to be true and to beware that men change once they get married. I used to argue with her that my husband was not like that but he was like most asian men that I have heard about including my own father.

One other issue was that he told me never to speak to his sister in law who lives in America about his family. He never explained why but all I knew was, this sister in law did not get on with my husbands sisters. She moved from the UK to America 8 years ago with her husband (my husbands older brother). I built a relationship with this American sister in law anyway and confided in her about my worries and issues about our in-laws. She then told me her negative experience with her in-laws when she lived with them newly married years ago. She told me that the eldest daughter controls everything in the family and about how greedy the family are with money and demands they put on their children to provide for them. This made me anxieties even worse towards the family and I started to hate them. I don't have much of a relationship with them anyway so I don't really know them. I felt like my husband had not told me all the facts about the sister in law as a way to hide what his family were really like. I felt betrayed and that he had lied to me as he knew I would have ran a mile before we got married, if he had told me.

Anyway the final argument went ahead one night when I told him I no longer want to contribute towards the household as it is my Islamic right as a wife to not do so. I felt like I was enabling him to provide for his parents at my own expense and I was growing bad feeling towards his parents because of that. He understood but said that he told me he could not afford to provide for me. I asked him to give his parents what he can afford. But he said 'I think my parents rely on that money. If I do stop giving them it, it will mean you're controlling me. But if my parents knew this was happening, they would tell me to save my marriage'. My poor husband got stressed and I could tell he was under pressure. I asked him if he wanted me to leave and go to my parents for the first time and he made it clear he 'wanted no space from me at all.' So I stayed while he went out for a drive to calm down. He then returned after speaking on the phone to (who I later found out) to be his elder sister than our sister in law warned me about). He then told me that I should probably have space from him. He also told me we probably should not buy this new build house if we 'cannot afford it'. It was clear his sister had caused my husband to say these things. I left the house in a storm of rage.
I said hurtful things to him out of pure anger to hurt him. He was hurting me and not giving me the support I wanted and he was confirming all my fears about his family controlling him.
I said things such as 'I wish I married an Orphan. I had a better life before I got married. I wish I never married you. You are a s*** husband. I don't care about your mums colonoscopy results, I just care about this! You parents are a burden on us! I will be fake to your family!' I do everything for you and there's not one thing you do for me! The one time I need help, you can't give me it!'.

I left my rings and told him to look after them. I told him I don't know if I'll come back until he gives me the respect of being his wife and to tell his family. He was calm the entire time and txted me to make sure I got home (30 min drive) ok and told me that he truly wanted to work it out and to take all the time I needed to focus on myself.

After 2 contact for 2 days, I went back home to sort it out with my husband. He wasn't there. I phoned him and he picked up crying saying he wasn't coming back. Apparently the day after I left, he phoned his sister again and she picked him up to take him back to their mothers home. He packed majority of his stuff and went back home and told his family EVERYTHING I had said. He said he didn't want to come home and he wants a family meeting with our parents next week.

I spoke to him on the phone a few days after having wrote him 2 letters apologising for everything. I bowed my head down for my wrongdoings to save my marriage and for him to forgive me. On the phone, he told me whilst sobbing 'I can't do this marriage. I know I'll probably regret it and will go on a downward spiral. But I am not strong enough for your mental issues. You have broken me, I'm heart broken. I can concentrate at work, I need emergency leave soon. I can't forgive you for what you have said about my family. You can't justify your actions. You say you will do as I say with my family but you will just grow to hate me vice versa and the marriage won't work. Im too scared to give you another chance. You betrayed my trust my going to the sister in law, I can't trust you again. I don't believe we can make it work. Everything you have said in the past 2 months has cancelled out our 2 amazing years together'. I had my first anxiety attack while hearing him say all this. I begged and pleaded but nothing.

The family meeting then came where we met at our rental home. I wrote a big speech to everyone apologising sobbing my heart out for 25 mins explaining as much as I could. The family forgave me but nobody seemed to think my husband had done anything wrong. My parents were told by me, not to say anything to my husband because I genuinely felt this was all my fault because I couldn't control my month in anger. My husband looked gaunt and angry, he showed no compassion and slagged me off to my parents. The parents said 'we want him to make it work. But what can we do? he has made his decision to end it.' He then left dramatically and put his wedding ring down and told me to sort out the paper work with the divorce then left.

I have not seen him since then and that was 7 weeks ago. I have tried to be gentle and talk him round but it only seems to push him further away. He seems to think I'm some crazy monster and is making stuff up in his head about me to justify his decision. He has then removed all wedding photos from social media and has made his family unfollow me. He refuses to speak to an Imam. He has told his colleagues at work that he is leaving me and thinks their response of 'are you sure?' is validation for his decision. He genuinely believed he is making a rational wise decision yet he has not once said 'I divorce you' to start the process. He has yet to collect the rest of his items even though the house was empty one week (my dad told him).

I am still living in this rental alone waiting for him. I am now angry and have realised this is not my fault entirely as he has taken it to a whole other level. He tried to contact me a fortnight ago to discuss the rental and I told him to just 'back off until I'm ready'. I removed all marriage photos from social media in the last few days out of anger. I feel taken advantage off. He has married me and has just given up on us at the first difficult hurdle. I am investing in counselling to get me through this, I am listening to marriage counselling audibles, I really am working on myself at the moment to make me better as a person. I am not normally an angry anxious person but this marriage has driven to me this from ym husband's lack of support. I do not want to leave this house because if I do, then it means I'm walking away from the marriage. I want to forgive him and communicate and learn to compromise to make each other happy. He is making a mockery out of Islam and marriage whereas I do not want to walk away without putting my all into making it work - whether it works out or not. I am doing this for Allah and I am praying hard for my husband to see sense. I have decided not to contact him at all until I am ready but the day will come, where I will need to face him. Deep down, I hope inshallah he can change his mind and that he may be going through some sort of melt down. I have accepted I have no control over this but I'd love to know other people's opinions on this.

If you have read all of this, then wow, thank you! :)
submitted by Far_Independent_1992 to u/Far_Independent_1992 [link] [comments]


2020.11.21 00:56 Far_Independent_1992 My husband wants a divorce after 2 months...

I am a muslim modern day woman who married the love of my life after dating for just over 2 years. We had the most amazing relationship together and never fought until we got married recently.
My husband comes from an asian traditional family which used to concern me as I do not agree with the old traditional views and my parents are very modern as well but we do follow Islam as best as we can. My husband is aware that I am not like that as neither is he (to a point) but knew this from day 1 and was apparently one of the things he liked about me initially.
When we got married in August, we moved into a rental together (neither one of us wanted to live with the in-laws as as lot of asian families do). Due to Covid, I was not able to work and received no money from the Government as a self employed locum This was difficult for me to deal with as I have been bought up to be financially independant and never to rely on any man for money. However I used my savings to pay for my half of the rent. My husband is paid £1900 per month with his job as a Registrar Doctor. We agreed before we got married that everything finance wise would be 50/50. At the time, I was fine with this as I believe in marriage that you are a team and I really just wanted to start our lives together. Also I was hoping to get back to work soon anyway and have my income again.

However I didn't realise that I felt like I had lost my financial independence and began to feel like a housewife within the first few weeks of marriage, while my husband was able to go to work and I was not. In addition to this, he has always paid his parents (dad is 60 yrs old and mum is early 50s) monthly as it is his 'duty as a son'. He pays them £350per month (never discussed this amount with me) since we got married. We were not able to save any money since getting married. I was using my savings to pay for my half of the rent etc. His parents have not worked in years due to plain laziness from what my husband has told me. They see it as their right for their children to pay them monthly including any holidays they have etc. Naturally I resented this as I was going into my savings yet my husband could not support me during a difficult time financially where WE were struggling. My husband still owes me over £1000 for the wedding. I find it really hard to ask people for money, I think its a pride thing. But he never even asked about the wedding money he owed me. He only paid me for the shops etc when I nagged him after a month or so. At one point, he actually refused to pay for the cusions/decor that I invested in from cheap places like Home Bargains, because he said 'we didn't need cushions etc'. Trust me, we needed it! As a result, naturally I felt like his family were a priority financially instead of me. I had to suck up using my saving whereas his family still got access to our money because it was 'their duty'.

There are so many amazing offers on the housing market for first time buyers that we reserved one for March 2021. We didn't run this past his parents until after we reserved it, and when we told them, they wanted to know if we had discussed it with his eldest sister. We did just before we told the parents and I could tell she was not happy from the way she looked at us. The family's reaction to the house was the polar opposite to my family who were supportive. I earn more than my husband normally and I was expecting to go back to this salary next year once the house was built, therefore, we could afford the mortgage. We also need to move out of this rental by Summer 2021 and the house was such an amazing deal, that we could not let it go by. I still to this day, think its a great opportunity now that I am back at work.We did go through the offers with my parents though as they have bought a new build before and they agreed it was an amazing purchase so we did have guidance.

Anyway on top of this, within the first few weeks of marriage, my husband started putting these demands on me about how we will be inviting his aunts around to our house for dinner. Apparently it is the 'done thing' to show his Aunts where he lives and invite them around. Also he wants his family to come to ours once a month for dinner?! This had never been mentioned before marriage and I felt, because we were now married, he had trapped me into obeying his orders. It started a lot of nasty fights where he eventually gave in. We never even had a honeymoon or met any of his family, yet I was getting this pressure put on me as a new bride to entertain his family who I can barely communicate with as I cannot speak Punjabi/urdu. The pressure was overwhelming and I began to get scared that he was trying to control me. My mum wanted me about this before we got married saying that my husband is too good to be true and to beware that men change once they get married. I used to argue with her that my husband was not like that but he was like most asian men that I have heard about including my own father.

One other issue was that he told me never to speak to his sister in law who lives in America about his family. He never explained why but all I knew was, this sister in law did not get on with my husbands sisters. She moved from the UK to America 8 years ago with her husband (my husbands older brother). I built a relationship with this American sister in law anyway and confided in her about my worries and issues about our in-laws. She then told me her negative experience with her in-laws when she lived with them newly married years ago. She told me that the eldest daughter controls everything in the family and about how greedy the family are with money and demands they put on their children to provide for them. This made me anxieties even worse towards the family and I started to hate them. I don't have much of a relationship with them anyway so I don't really know them. I felt like my husband had not told me all the facts about the sister in law as a way to hide what his family were really like. I felt betrayed and that he had lied to me as he knew I would have ran a mile before we got married, if he had told me.

Anyway the final argument went ahead one night when I told him I no longer want to contribute towards the household as it is my Islamic right as a wife to not do so. I felt like I was enabling him to provide for his parents at my own expense and I was growing bad feeling towards his parents because of that. He understood but said that he told me he could not afford to provide for me. I asked him to give his parents what he can afford. But he said 'I think my parents rely on that money. If I do stop giving them it, it will mean you're controlling me. But if my parents knew this was happening, they would tell me to save my marriage'. My poor husband got stressed and I could tell he was under pressure. I asked him if he wanted me to leave and go to my parents for the first time and he made it clear he 'wanted no space from me at all.' So I stayed while he went out for a drive to calm down. He then returned after speaking on the phone to (who I later found out) to be his elder sister than our sister in law warned me about). He then told me that I should probably have space from him. He also told me we probably should not buy this new build house if we 'cannot afford it'. It was clear his sister had caused my husband to say these things. I left the house in a storm of rage.
I said hurtful things to him out of pure anger to hurt him. He was hurting me and not giving me the support I wanted and he was confirming all my fears about his family controlling him.
I said things such as 'I wish I married an Orphan. I had a better life before I got married. I wish I never married you. You are a s*** husband. I don't care about your mums colonoscopy results, I just care about this! You parents are a burden on us! I will be fake to your family!' I do everything for you and there's not one thing you do for me! The one time I need help, you can't give me it!'.

I left my rings and told him to look after them. I told him I don't know if I'll come back until he gives me the respect of being his wife and to tell his family. He was calm the entire time and txted me to make sure I got home (30 min drive) ok and told me that he truly wanted to work it out and to take all the time I needed to focus on myself.

After 2 contact for 2 days, I went back home to sort it out with my husband. He wasn't there. I phoned him and he picked up crying saying he wasn't coming back. Apparently the day after I left, he phoned his sister again and she picked him up to take him back to their mothers home. He packed majority of his stuff and went back home and told his family EVERYTHING I had said. He said he didn't want to come home and he wants a family meeting with our parents next week.

I spoke to him on the phone a few days after having wrote him 2 letters apologising for everything. I bowed my head down for my wrongdoings to save my marriage and for him to forgive me. On the phone, he told me whilst sobbing 'I can't do this marriage. I know I'll probably regret it and will go on a downward spiral. But I am not strong enough for your mental issues. You have broken me, I'm heart broken. I can concentrate at work, I need emergency leave soon. I can't forgive you for what you have said about my family. You can't justify your actions. You say you will do as I say with my family but you will just grow to hate me vice versa and the marriage won't work. Im too scared to give you another chance. You betrayed my trust my going to the sister in law, I can't trust you again. I don't believe we can make it work. Everything you have said in the past 2 months has cancelled out our 2 amazing years together'. I had my first anxiety attack while hearing him say all this. I begged and pleaded but nothing.

The family meeting then came where we met at our rental home. I wrote a big speech to everyone apologising sobbing my heart out for 25 mins explaining as much as I could. The family forgave me but nobody seemed to think my husband had done anything wrong. My parents were told by me, not to say anything to my husband because I genuinely felt this was all my fault because I couldn't control my month in anger. My husband looked gaunt and angry, he showed no compassion and slagged me off to my parents. The parents said 'we want him to make it work. But what can we do? he has made his decision to end it.' He then left dramatically and put his wedding ring down and told me to sort out the paper work with the divorce then left.

I have not seen him since then and that was 7 weeks ago. I have tried to be gentle and talk him round but it only seems to push him further away. He seems to think I'm some crazy monster and is making stuff up in his head about me to justify his decision. He has then removed all wedding photos from social media and has made his family unfollow me. He refuses to speak to an Imam. He has told his colleagues at work that he is leaving me and thinks their response of 'are you sure?' is validation for his decision. He genuinely believed he is making a rational wise decision yet he has not once said 'I divorce you' to start the process. He has yet to collect the rest of his items even though the house was empty one week (my dad told him).

I am still living in this rental alone waiting for him. I am now angry and have realised this is not my fault entirely as he has taken it to a whole other level. He tried to contact me a fortnight ago to discuss the rental and I told him to just 'back off until I'm ready'. I removed all marriage photos from social media in the last few days out of anger. I feel taken advantage off. He has married me and has just given up on us at the first difficult hurdle. I am investing in counselling to get me through this, I am listening to marriage counselling audibles, I really am working on myself at the moment to make me better as a person. I am not normally an angry anxious person but this marriage has driven to me this from ym husband's lack of support. I do not want to leave this house because if I do, then it means I'm walking away from the marriage. I want to forgive him and communicate and learn to compromise to make each other happy. He is making a mockery out of Islam and marriage whereas I do not want to walk away without putting my all into making it work - whether it works out or not. I am doing this for Allah and I am praying hard for my husband to see sense. I have decided not to contact him at all until I am ready but the day will come, where I will need to face him. Deep down, I hope inshallah he can change his mind and that he may be going through some sort of melt down. I have accepted I have no control over this but I'd love to know other people's opinions on this.

If you have read all of this, then wow, thank you! :)
submitted by Far_Independent_1992 to u/Far_Independent_1992 [link] [comments]


2020.11.19 15:19 yazbud12 25 y/o American Muslim w/ controlling mom

Hey all - I’m 25 years old, I work in real estate development in NYC and commute about an hour back to my parents house in NJ. I’ve decided that I want to move into nyc because I need space from my family. I feel like a specimen under my mother’s microscope and she has a comment for every little thing I do and it’s just so overbearing.
I mentioned just the idea of moving out a few weeks ago and she started sobbing. This is where traditional Arabic values come into play, she thinks I’ll live with them until I get married to a nice Muslim girl and move out. My mom always asks me “you’re not gonna upset me in the future right?” which is her telling me I’ll destroy her if I marry outside our culture. She guilt trips me so damn hard for wanting to live my life on my terms as a 25 yr old man, especially when it comes to my love life. It’s honestly become a bit traumatizing because anytime I date someone that doesn’t fit my moms skewed criteria, I know it’s going to lead to problems with my family and with the girl. Lately all my mom does is try to guilt trip and manipulate me into trying to live my life under her terms. I love her a lot and hate to see her upset, but I should not feel guilty for wanting to have the freedom to decide the simple things in my life such as who I date and love. Does anyone have any advice to offer on this?
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2020.11.19 08:35 Chroments What you are looking for is..... (Link in the Desc.)4

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2020.11.18 22:30 VirtualAni Metropolitan Museum of Art appeals for protection of cultural heritage sites in Nagorno-Karabakh

A rather bland article, originally from TheArtNewspaper.
https://selectednews.info/blog/metropolitan-museum-of-art-appeals-for-protection-of-cultural-heritage-sites-in-nagorno-karabakh/
Metropolitan Museum of Art appeals for protection of cultural heritage sites in Nagorno-Karabakh
by Sophia Kishkovsky and Nancy Kenney
Photo caption: A man held an icon from the Dadivank, an Armenian Apostolic Church monastery dating to the ninth century in the district of Kalbajar, as ethnic Armenians prepared to leave on 14 November. The district is being turned over to Azerbaijan as part of a Russian-brokered peace accord to end six weeks of fighting in Nagorno-Karabakh.
The Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York issued a plea today for the preservation of cultural heritage sites in the Nagorno-Karabakh region as Azerbaijan moves to take control of swaths of territory under a Russian-brokered peace deal for the enclave. "The recent bloodshed and destruction in the Nagorno-Karabakh region is a global tragedy of grave concern to us all", the Met's president and chief executive, Daniel Weiss, and director, Max Hollein, said in a statement. "In addition to our plea and hope for the violence to stop, as museum leaders we urge that cultural heritage sites be protected."
Nagorno-Karabakh lies within the borders of Azerbaijan but contains an Armenian ethnic majority. The Russian peace deal ended a six-week war between Azerbaijan and Armenians that is thought to have killed thousands. The war has pulled in some of the region’s biggest players, with Turkey backing Azerbaijan and Russia seeking to stop the fighting in a region it once governed. In October, Armenia accused Azerbaijan of bombing and desecrating the main cathedral in the city of Shushi (called Shusha by Azerbaijanis) and endangering an ancient Hellenistic Armenian city, Tigranakert. Azerbaijan has denied attacking the Ghazanchetsots Cathedral and has accused Armenia of destroying dozens of mosques when it controlled the region. Armenia is one of the world’s oldest Christian civilisations and Azerbaijan is mostly Muslim. Azerbaijan’s capture of Shushi early this month was a turning point that paved the way for the Russian-brokered resolution ceding districts to Azerbaijan.
"The Metropolitan Museum of Art is dedicated to preserving and exhibiting human creativity of over 5,000 years from across the globe," Weiss and Hollein say. "As the organiser and host of the Armenia! exhibition in 2018 — which was the first major exhibition to explore the remarkable artistic and cultural achievements of the Armenian people in a global context over fourteen centuries — we have watched in horror and sadness at the recent violence and bloodshed in the Nagorno-Karabakh region." "We implore all those involved to respect these international cultural heritage sites, which enrich our world and have survived for thousands of years," they add. "The loss of cultural heritage sites is permanent, and is a grievous theft from future generations."
Armenia and Azerbaijan, former Soviet republics, have been clashing over territory since the Soviet Union collapsed. The latest fighting over Nagorno-Karabakh, or the Republic of Artsakh, as it is called by Armenians, began in September when President Ilham Aliyev of Azerbaijan opened an offensive to retake the enclave by force. Under the terms of the peace agreement, control over the enclave's main city, Stepanakert, will stay with ethnic Armenians as they cede other land to Azerbaijan that it has taken during the fighting. Ethnic Armenians are withdrawing from some areas they have governed since a previous peace deal brokered in 1994. Russian troops are now patrolling a corridor of land that links the region with Armenia so that Armenians can safely leave the area.
The preservation of both churches and mosques in Nagorno-Karabakh will be a main focus of the peace deal, Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov said recently. Lavrov said that engaging "UN organisations such as, first and foremost, Unesco", the United Nations arm that oversees cultural monuments, is a priority "especially with regard to the establishment of peaceful life in Karabakh: the coexistence of ethno-confessional groups, the revival of cultural and religious sites, ensuring their safe and respectful functioning." Each side in the conflict has appealed to Unesco. Azerbaijan’s Culture Ministry has said that it is resuming a decades-old drive to inscribe the Shusha historical and architectural reserve, including hundreds of ancient buildings, 17 mosques and the Shusha Fortress, on the Unesco World Heritage List. It has been on the tentative list since 2001. The World Council of Churches has expressed solidarity with the Armenian church over "reports being received of other more recent desecrations" and urged "Unesco to take all possible and appropriate measures to protect these sites."
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2020.11.18 16:52 Independent-Bike-263 Complicated marriage

As Salaam Aleykum.
I am a female, married, 24y/o seeking for advice.
Sorry, but this is going to be a long one....
I did not know about reddit and these forum before my husband introduced it to me.
I got married last year, and have been married for a little over 1,5 years now. Although I have been married for 1,5 years, I have known my husband for 5 years. I'm not going to lie, we had been dating and our intention was obviously to get married and live happily ever after. Before my husband and I got married, I said to him: If you EVER feel like this isn't it anymore, or that you don't love me or that you found someone else PLEASE tell me as there is so much more respect in you telling me, than you betraying me and me finding out by myself or someone else. Now to the problem; We had issues already from maybe 1 month within our marriage and even though we would get through every hardship, it just seems to lead to another. I am a very firm believer and i believe that we were meant to be. I fought for this man, and went against what my family wanted, but eventually my family gave in and accepted what I wanted, but now i feel so stupid and hopeless. (family didn't accept at first because of nationality and him not being from same caste, even though he's nationality is pretty close to mine and the culture is almost 100% similar). 2 months into our marriage I found out that my husband had been chatting and sexting with other women in the ENTIRE time we were dating and also in the time period up to our marriage and AFTER getting married and moving in together! I found out he had a spare phone, which he had photos on of MULTIPLE females and chats with females from aaaalllll over the world. He literally has a FAKE IDENTITY ONLINE he has a fake snapchat account, fake email, fake instagram and pretends to be someone else. In my eyes this is cheating and betrayal, and one thing i made CLEAR in the beginning of our dating phase I told him i do NOT tolerate lying, cheating and betrayal. He clearly went beyond my limits and literally didn't give a single sh*t about my feelings, played me and STILL married me? So I forgive him, and what comes next? I find out he is literally ADDICTED to porn. I caught him watching porn multiple times, looking at naked females and just pornography in general. This was NOT the man I knew, and not the man I was willing to marry, honestly. He portrayed him self as a good muslim who knew his deen and imaan, but clearly is a two-faced and lying person. I still forgave him, but told him to go see a doctor or sheikh and work on himself, because i thought maybe he can change, but guess what, i was wrong. He did it again. Everytime he was super sad, he promised me not to do it again or hurt my feeling, he promised to be a loyal and loving husband and as stupid as I am, I forgave him every. single. time.
I literally stopped going out with friends, stopped going to my parents house and wasn't motivated to go to work, rushed home from work because I felt like I needed to be at home or with him so he wouldn't do anything to hurt me. I literally lost myself.
Fast forward to the beginning of 2020 I started spending time with my friends again, and the ONE day I go out, I come home to find out he has been laying in bed aaaallll day chatting with women, we literally had a huge fight. Then again, we talked it out, I forgave him and moved on.
I know you're probably thinking im dumb and how come she hasn't left him already, but think in terms of that I've know this man for 5 years know, I is my first love and I am very emotionally attached to him. He is my every first and was meant to be my every first in last, otherwise why would i even marry him. I literally fought for our relationship, my parents were saying no (because he has a different nationality, but is muslim and our countries are exact and similar culture wise). I am the type of person who doesn't care to be judged, but I know a HUGE part of me not leaving him is because of the culture and I'm so scared to be judged about this because I literally wanted to marry him. I know my parents will be judged and people from my own family is gonna come for me and be like "oh but didn't you know he was like that"? Obviously I didn't. I didn't go home with him when we were dating. What he did when he was alone and at his own house, I was not a witness to what he was doing, but God obviously showed me this side of his pretty quickly.
A few days ago, I was like, hmmm let me check out that reddit he's been talking so much about, honestly I am 1000% sure it was a blessing in disguise and Allah talking to me. I found out he made a new fake snapchat, he shared it here on reddit, he even wrote a post in forum about him looking for "female friends" to chat and sext with? I really want to catch him in his own crap, so I have proof and show him that enough is enough, because he could say "oh it was just a post I didn't actually do it". I feel like I have made my decision and I know my worth, I am still young and I am not going to wait for someone to change who clearly doesn't want to change.
What do you think I should do from here? Any advice? Sorry if theres info missing but theres honestly just toooooo much and i could go on and on...
submitted by Independent-Bike-263 to MuslimMarriage [link] [comments]


2020.11.17 16:41 kaya1-01 How to find a spouse

How do you feel about online dating? special applications for finding a spouse, like minder or salam.. I started to communicate with man, I gave him my WhatsApp number, cuz this app doesn't work well, we didn't talk much because of the time difference. When asked if he communicates with some other girl, he answered NO and today I saw him online in this app. I opened this app just to check him (online or offline status) If I already communicate with someone, I will not try to look for someone else..Yes, I know, I'm very jealous.. I know this app totally haram, so I deleted my account. Should I ask him again or just leave it? Has anyone found himself a spouse in this way and how long it took? P.s. there are no mosques and Muslims in the place where I live
submitted by kaya1-01 to MuslimLounge [link] [comments]


2020.11.17 14:20 reverthelp THE COMPANIONS OF THE PROPHET (PBUH)

THE COMPANIONS OF THE PROPHET (PBUH): Abdullah bin Zubayr (r.a.)
Abdullah was the son of Hz. Abu Bakr’s daughter Asma and Zubayr bin Awwam, who was one of the ten Companions that were given the glad tidings of Paradise. He was the first child born out of muhajirs after the Migration. He was born in the 1st year of the Migration. His birth made all Muslims very happy. The Muslims celebrated it as if it was a feast day. They uttered “Allahu akbar!” Their joy was due to revealing the lies of the Jews. For, they said to muhajirs, “We cast a spell over you; you will not have children anymore.”
The Prophet gave him the name “Abdullah”. Then, he wanted a date fruit. He chewed him and put it into Abdullah’s mouth. Thus, the first food to enter the stomach of this beloved baby was the date from the blessed mouth of the Messenger of Allah. Then, the Prophet prayed for the blessing of Abdullah.
Both Hz. Zubayr and Asma did their best to raise him in the best way. When he was seven, they took him to the Prophet for allegiance. The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) accepted his allegiance by smiling.
Hz. Abdullah ended the period of childhood and became a youth during the caliphate of Hz. Abu Bakr. He proved himself during the caliphate of Hz. Umar. He fought heroically during the caliphate of Hz. Umar and Hz. Uthman.
Abdullah did not expect any worldly interest or return for his service. He always based his deeds solely on the consent of Allah.
During the caliphate of Hz. Uthman, the Islamic armies were conquering cities and towns in various places. The conquests in North Africa were led by Abdullah bin Abi Sarh, the Governor of Egypt with 40 thousand mujahids. The Islamic armies reached Tripoli with magnificent triumphs; they confronted the resistance of the Byzantine army of 120,000 people. The Muslims continued their heroic struggle against the Romans in the battle that lasted for days. The battles continued violently. The battle that started every day at dawn lasted only until noon; then, the soldiers of both sides returned to their tents in a weak and exhausted way.
Gregorias, the commander of the Byzantine army, was very sad because he could not defeat the Muslims or make them retreat in spite of having more soldiers. Suddenly, a clever idea came to his mind. He would marry his daughter off to a person who would kill Abdullah bin Abi Sarh, the commander of the Muslims. In addition, he would give to that person a reward of 100 thousand gold coins. Meanwhile, his daughter was fighting with him.
This news of reward encouraged Greek youths. They attacked Abdullah bin Abi Sarh. They could not kill him but they inflicted many casualties. Meanwhile, Abdullah bin Zubayr, who came to help Abdullah bin Abi Sarh with a small unit, said to the commander,
“Promise the same thing to your soldiers. Promise 100 thousand gold coins, the daughter of Gregorias and the governorship of North Africa to the soldier who would kill Gregorias.”
The commander of the Islamic army found this offer appropriate.
The next day Abdullah bin Zubayr became the commander. Hz. Abdullah was a good commander. He practised a nice strategy. He divided the soldiers into two groups. While one group continued fighting, the other group would rest in their tents.
The plan was put into practice. The first group continued until noon. When they retreated, the second group, who were fit and energetic, came to the battlefield. The Romans were very tired. They could not resist the mujahids and were defeated. Meanwhile, Abdullah bin Zubayr captured Gregorias and killed him. He enslaved his daughter.
After the war was over, it was time to share the booty. The daughter of Gregorias and 100 thousand gold coins were going to be given to Abdullah bin Zubayr, who deserved them. Abdullah did not accept them. He said, “No. I made jihad for my religion, not for worldly possessions. I expect my reward from Allah.”
Abdullah bin Abi Sarh, the commander, sent Abdullah bin Zubayr to Hz. Uthman to give him the glad tidings of victory and to deliver the booty. After a tiring journey, Hz. Abdullah arrived in Madinah; he told to the Caliph of Islam and other Muslims about the victory of Islam with all its splendour, but he did not speak of himself even in one word. However, they later found out about the self-sacrificing and heroic deeds of Abdullah in this battle. The fact that he did not mention himself elevated his rank more in the eyes of the Muslims. [ Mustadrak, 3: 547-548. ]
Abdullah bin Zubayr did not want to change the service of holy jihad with temporary and ephemeral pleasures and worldly things and ranks; he did not sacrifice the eternal fruits of the hereafter for the pleasures of the world. He found it contrary to the principles of sincerity to expect to be appreciated, liked and applauded by people let alone obtaining some worldly benefits and interests for the material and spiritual jihad, which needs to be done for the sake of Allah.
Hz. Abdullah was a scholar of the Companions. He was one of the famous “Four Abdullahs”. He narrated a few hadiths from the Prophet. One of these hadiths is as follows:
“If man were to be given a valley full of gold, he would desire to have another. If he were given two, he would seek the third. Nothing can fill his mouth except the earth (dust). Allah Almighty accepts the repentance of a person who turns to Him.”[ Usdul-Ghaba, 1: 163. ]
Hz. Abdullah offered advice to the public at every opportunity. In a season of Hajj, he made the following speech:
“O, people! You come from various countries as guests of Allah. Allah entertains His guests in the best way. Whoever comes with the purpose of obtaining rewards should know that Allah will not turn away a person who is at His door. Confirm your words with your deeds. For, what is essential is what you have done. The intention is also the intention of the heart. Avoid opposing Allah in this blessed day because these days are the days when sins are forgiven. ”[ al-Hilya, 1: 337. ]
Hz. Abdullah fulfilled the duty of conveying the message of Islam by both speaking and sending letters. He wrote the following letter to a friend:
“My brother! There are some signs of pious people. People know them from those signs. Those signs are patience in the face of misfortunes, consent to qadar (destiny), thanking for boons, and obeying the commands of the Quran and avoiding its prohibitions. ”[ Hayatus-Sahaba, 3: 354; al-Hilya, 1: 336. 5. ibid, 3: 385. ]
Everything he saw reminded him of Allah. When he heard the thunder, he would say, “I glorify Allah, whom clouds and angels glorify out of fear, and acquit Him of all incomplete qualities.” He said it was a great threat to the people of the earth.
In addition to these virtues, Hz. Abdullah was a good administrator. After Yazid’s death, he was chosen the caliph in Makkah when most of the Muslims paid allegiance to him. The Muslims of Hejaz, Yemen, Iraq, Egypt and Khorasan regarded him worthy of this duty and paid allegiance to him. He ruled in Makkah with justice for a few years.
However, Abdulmalik bin Marwan, who captured the Umayyad government, sent Hajjaj, who became known with the name “the Oppressor” in history, against Abdullah with an army in 72 H. Hajjaj set up a catapult on Mount Abu Qubays and threw stones at the Kaaba. Hz. Abdullah defended the Kaaba heroically. However, many of his men were deceived by Hajjaj through various promises. Finally, they martyred Hz. Abdullah. Hajjaj, the oppressor, did not find it enough and hanged Abdullah. He stood against this martyr and insulted him. Then, he cut off his head and sent it to Damascus.
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